Dimitri, I think you owe the rather large man...
sitting on top of you an apology.
- I'm sorry. - I'd like you all to meet the killer.
- Count Reneleau. - Damn you, Rebecca Ryan.
Rebecca, you are incredible.
Dimitri, you know I always get my man.
No.
Dimitri, you know I always get my woman.
That won't work.
You know I always get my person.
That stinks.
Come on, Rebecca, be brilliant. I want to go to Paris.
"'Dimitri, ' said Rebecca...
"'you know I always get my man. Even when he's a woman."'
I like it.
- I finished the contest. - Contest?
The Rebecca Ryan contest. You want to read it?
I'd love to, but I haven't got time right now. I'll read it later.
It's got a surprise ending.
The important thing, kid, is that you're doing something you like to do.
I'll be home late.
Have a nice...
day.
Why do you want to go to Paris, Mum?
I've dreamed about going ever since I was a little girl.
It's the most beautiful, romantic city in the world.
Boring. Did you really write a whole book in here?
Cut it out, guys. Careful.
No, it's not a whole book. See, it's just a few pages.
It's a contest and you have to write in the style of the Rebecca Ryan novels.
And then, if you write the best, you win a free trip for two to Paris.
- I'd rather go to Africa. - Why Africa?
Because he's seen the naked women in National Geographic.
He loves boobs, Mum. You've raised a pervert.
I've seen you looking at the boobs, too, Kevin.
I know, Mum. I'm a pervert, too.
- Let's take a trip to France. - Let's.
Listen to this recording and repeat what you hear.
- Ready to travel with us to Paris? - Yes.
- Oui. - Oui.
- No. Non. - Non.
- Please. S'il vous plaît. - S'il vous plaît.
- Thank you. Merci. - Merci.
Eins, zwei, drei, vier, fünf.
- Very good. Sehr gut. - Danke schön.
Nietzsche says, "What doesn't destroy me, makes me stronger."
Nietzsche sagt, "Was nicht umbringt, macht Mich stärker."
You've got to be kidding.
"'Dimitri, ' said Rebecca, 'you know I always get my man.
"'Even when he's a woman."'
What do you think?
"The important thing, kid, is...
"you're doing something you like to do."
I was kidding. It was really good, Mum.
- Do you really think so? - Yeah.
- Do you think it might win? - Sure. Maybe.
- Who's Dimitri? - Dimitri is Rebecca's best friend.
- Are they married? - No.
- Why not? - Rebecca is very busy.
She's beautiful, she's talented. She speaks five languages.
Can she do kung fu?
She is an aikido master. She can do all that stuff.
If she's all that great, how come Dimitri didn't marry her?
For one thing, every man she meets falls immediately in love with her...
and Dimitri has other interests.
- You mean he's a homo? - Karl, I think it's time for bed.
Don't leave me in the dark with Kevin. He's a homo, too.
Karl, who taught you to talk that way?
Ignore him, Mum. He just wants attention.
- Goodnight. - Goodnight, Mum.
Night, Mum.
Sleep tight.
Homo?
"Prince Rupert slowly unbuttoned...
"Rebecca's silk blouse..."
Hi, honey.
Hello, sweetheart. How was your day? Anything exciting?
As a matter of fact...
we've just about closed the Simon fund.
Honey, that's wonderful.
"...his strong hands demanding what she knew she..."
"'I want you, Rebecca... '"
"'more than I've ever wanted... '"
- You don't want to? - If you want to.
- Only if you do. - Sure, I want to.
- You don't sound very sure. - Sure I'm sure.
It's just that these accounts have to be logged...
sometime before tomorrow morning.
Okay.
I guess I could get up early and do them in the morning.
No, it's okay.
- You sure? - No, it's fine, really.
- You're not just saying that? - No. Honest.
- I think we should make love. - You do?
- I do if you do. - I do.
Okay.
- Would you rather be on top? - Would you rather be on the bottom?
- Look, either-or, which would you like? - Whatever you want.
Don't do this to me.
Great.
Come on.
Come...
I've won.
"Stir vigorously over low flame for 30 seconds.
"Be careful not to stir too vigorously...
"as this will cause the sauce to thicken too rapidly."
Oh, my God.
Please don't do this.
- Way to go, butt face. - Oh, no.
Dickhead.
"Add three eggs."
That's it. Table is done. Can I go now?
Honey, would you get me three eggs, please?
A whole week without you and Dad. I don't know what we'll do.
I guess we'll just have to trash the house.
Hurry up with those eggs, wise guy.
- Hey, Mum. Want to see me juggle? - What?
Don't do that.
- Are you all right? - Look, Mum. It didn't even break.
Great.
I got it, Mum.
Great.
That was delicious, honey. You really outdid yourself.
It was nothing. Just something I threw together.
All right, what's the surprise?
- Did somebody get straight A's? - Yes, Dad, somebody did.
But unfortunately, he couldn't be here tonight.
I won the contest.
Oh, that.
That's great. That's terrific.
Hey, hey. I think that deserves a toast.
To Mum.
Really put a lot of thought into that one, Dad.
So what did you win? I assume you won something.
We won a free trip to Paris, France...
all expenses paid for two. We leave Sunday. Can you believe it?
- I can't believe it myself. - Sunday? This Sunday?
I know it's short notice, but they're giving this luncheon on Tuesday...
at this famous restaurant, Tour d'Argent, in my honour.
We'll be staying at the romantic Hôtel des Artistes...
for a whole week. Can you believe it?
Darling, I think you're getting a little ahead of yourself here.
I really think we need to think this thing over.
This is the chance of a lifetime.
I know. It's a terrific opportunity.
Why don't we have dessert and talk about it later?
Voilà.
You don't seem to understand. I cannot just pack up and leave.
I know, but it would be a chance for the two of us to be alone together...
in the most romantic city in the world.
That's half the reason I stayed up all those nights working.
I'm not asking for six months. You can take a week.
Cathy, you have no idea what I can or cannot take.
- Honey, we need this time together. - This is the worst possible time for me.
No, it is not. You're always this busy, and you'll always be this busy.
And that is the way you like it.
Look, I'm not the problem, and don't make it seem like I am.
All they'll do is to give you a plaque and a pat on the back.
I don't mean to make light of it, but that's really all it is.
- I can't give up a week's work for that. - All right.
I'll just get somebody in to take care of you and the boys.
- You won't even know I'm gone. - You can't be serious.
- What do you mean? - You're planning on going without me?
- Do you want to go? - No, I can't.
- I can. - No, you can't.
Kevin.
I earned this trip. You have no right to keep me from going.
Honey, if you want to go to Paris that bad...
save up and go in three, four years.
I tell you what. Let's not make a decision on it right now.
Let's just think on it.
I'm sure things will be a lot clearer in the morning. Okay?
- Cathy? - Okay.
Where are you going?
I'm just going downstairs to read for a while.
- Cathy. - What?
- I don't want you to go. - I'm just going downstairs.
You know what I mean.
It would be selfish, childish, and irresponsible of you to leave...
but I'm not going to tell you not to go.
I'm going to leave that decision up to you.
Love you.
Leave the clubs. We'll get them after we eat.
I still can't believe you kept Cathy from going to Paris.
If Phyllis had won that contest...
it would have taken me and the National Guard to keep her home.
I hear it takes the National Guard just to keep her satisfied.
Very funny.
The trick is you never lose control.
You don't yell. You don't scream. You just help them make your decision.
I guess the real trick is never let them enter contests.
Bonsoir.
Après vous.
"Cathy, that was a childish, selfish, and irresponsible thing to do.
"The most important thing, kid...
"is that you're doing something that you like to do."
Madame, your limousine is ready.
My limousine?
To take you to the Rebecca Ryan luncheon.
Madame, we have some extra time.
Perhaps, you would like to see some of the classic sights of Paris.
Yes, I'd like that very much.
Madame.
It was a wonderful ride, really. Merci beaucoup.
- No, madame. - Really, no, it's just...
I want to walk a little and take some pictures.
But your luncheon. The Tour d'Argent is this way, one block.
Really? Great. I'll walk.
Thank you. Merci. Au revoir.
Hey.
Stop.
Marguerite, you want the whole world to see you?
Terrible. Awful.
Why does it always happen to me?
My God. I've got to call an ambulance.
- Dimitri is Rebecca's best friend. - Tour d'Argent is this way.
- Chance of a lifetime. - I don't want you to go.
- It'll be like a second honeymoon. - He loves boobs, Mum.
- I got it, Mum. - Damn you, Rebecca Ryan.
To Mum.
Miss McMann, I just love your books.
I named my daughter Rebecca.
Yes, I tried that with my son. He wasn't amused.
Thank you.
You're awake. I'm so glad.
I'm so sorry it happened.
I feel just terrible, awful beyond belief.
But thank God you are all right. No broken bones.
Just a bump on your beautiful head.
I'm Don Carlos Dominguez...
His Majesty's ambassador from Spain...
at your service.
Whom do I have the pleasure of addressing?
You know perfectly well who I am, you snake.
Snake? Moi?
- Cathy Palmer has disappeared. - Who?
- Cathy Palmer. - I thought your wife's name was Joanna.
Cathy Palmer is the woman who won the Rebecca Ryan contest...
which is why we're all here today at this luncheon.
She's a smart girl. She obviously knows how boring these things really are.
- You shouldn't be up. - What have you done with my clothes?
Those are your clothes.
Don't be absurd.
Rebecca Ryan wouldn't be caught dead in something like this.
I think I'd better get a doctor.
I guess it'll have to do.
- I'll take it. And that. - Very good.
Another two for Miss Ryan.
Hello?
I need to inquire about one of your guests.
- Does Rebecca Ryan live here? - Yes.
Just a minute, please.
Does Rebecca Ryan live here?
You idiot. Of course she lives here. Everybody knows that.
- Bonjour, madame. - Thank you.
- Bonjour. - Bonjour.
Bonjour, madame.
- Certainly took your time getting here. - I'm lucky I'm here at all.
I don't know how much Malcolm told you about the job.
Nothing much to it really. Just a bit of filing, a few letters.
- Any calls? - No, just secretarial.
- Come in. - No, just...
Sorry.
I say... Excuse me. No, I'm afraid...
What on earth is all... Don't bring all that...
- Fine. Just everybody come in. - Put them in the bedroom.
- What are they doing? - I missed the boat, but my bags didn't.
- Boat? - Yes. I ran into a little trouble.
- Or should I say, it ran into me. - Would you mind telling me...
What do you mean?
- Not now. - What?
What are you doing? Excuse me, would you just close the drawer.
- Is this all there is? - Why do you want to know?
Now, don't start pinching pennies on me now, Dimitri.
I've got more important things on my mind. Merci.
$300.
- Au revoir. - Au revoir, madame.
Why did you call me Dimitri?
Priest never showed up. I think we scared him off.
Malcolm is behind this, isn't he?
I don't know who is behind it yet, but the future of life on this planet...
may very well depend on my finding out.
Oh, Lord.
Time is ticking away.
I wasted two valuable hours getting out of the hospital.
- You escaped? - Just barely.
That black Citroën was no accident.
Just another crude attempt to get rid of...
- Rebecca Ryan. - Rebecca Ryan, I see.
They obviously think I know something.
It's something worth killing you for, obviously.
Right.
My God. The Embassy party. It's tonight. Of course.
No wonder they tried to kill me.
I suspect my arrival there will surprise some of our old friends.
- I want you to come with me. - I imagine you do.
I suppose I could stand here all night asking you who's responsible.
You wouldn't tell me, would you?
If I told you everything, you'd be dead before you knew it.
You're very good, you know.
You're confident, you're convincing, you're...
undressing.
Be a dear and fix me a martini while I change.
Mr. McMann?
Yes.
I'm sorry I'm late. The metro was...
You're the secretary.
I'm so excited to be working for you.
I just love your mother's...
books.
Yes. Well, look, here.
It's jolly decent of you to have come. Thank you so much.
I'll give your regards to my mother.
- Good day. - Good day, sir.
I bet it was...
Charles. It was... No, it wasn't.
It was Jean Paul. Wasn't it?
He's trying to get back at me for the time I persuaded him...
to promise to marry two different women at the same time.
The personification of mortal fear.
What's wrong? You all right?
Why don't we stop playing this game?
You've more than earned your money. Tell me your real name.
- Don Carlos Dominguez. - The Spanish Ambassador?
He's the snake who tried to run me down.
I thought we were going to stop this game.
These diplomats will stab you in the back every time.
You can count on me up to here.
- I will never turn my back on you. - Thank you very much, my dear friend.
- Marguerite. - There you are. At last.
Bonsoir.
Aren't you going to introduce us to your new friend?
Yes. Marguerite Lasueur.
Her husband, Rafael Lasueur, French Foreign Minister.
Enchanté.
Ivan Stanovonovitch, the Russian Ambassador.
Na zdorov'e.
Don Carlos Dominguez, the Spanish Ambassador.
- May I present... - No, you may not. Excuse me.
Oh, my God.
The pressure is on.
Bravo, madame.
I never much liked that fascist donkey.
Will you do me the honour, Miss...
Ryan, Rebecca Ryan.
And I can drink any man here under the table.
I drink to Rebecca Ryan.
She's the first real woman I have met in all of France.
- Having fun? - Oh, yes.
Who's that man?
Sorry.
That is Victor Marchand, he's the leader of the Opposition party...
and he is very important, so stay away from him.
Pieces are finally beginning to fall in place.
- May I cut in? - By all means.
I don't know what you hope to gain with this little game of yours.
If you continue, you will get more than you bargained for.
Of that you can be sure.
What's with her name?
Drumming up more publicity for your mother's books?
More vodka.
You are a very interesting woman.
You are so...
Yes, it's a mixture of English and Bantu tongues...
spoken in the mining towns of South Africa.
But German...
Wasn't it Nietzsche who said:
It's deep, isn't it?
Oh, Lord.
What on earth did you say to him?
The wheels are in motion. There's no turning back now.
Stay here. Don't move. I'll be right back.
Above all, don't talk to anybody.
"Terminate yourself immediately."
Don Carlos?
Oh, my God.
Don Carlos, are you all right?
- What happened? - I've got to get out of here.
- Don Carlos, please, just one second. - That woman!
How could she... How did she know?
Whatever she said, she didn't mean it.
My life is over.
Agents are probably onto me right this very second.
I didn't want to spy for them, but I had to.
The money was too good.
I must cite diplomatic immunity before I am a dead fish.
What exactly did she tell you?
Wait...
maybe you are one of them right now.
Na zdorov'e.
- Hi. - Hello.
I know.
You do? How wonderful.
What do you know?
I...
know that you are involved in a plot...
that could very well cost you your life.
Excuse me, Victor, we were just off. Weren't we?
- Come on. - We are?
I will do everything in my power to see that justice is done.
Before it's all over, you'll be madly in love with me.
- Good evening, madame. - It's a glorious evening, isn't it?
Don't come near me or I'll jump.
Nothing you do can further embarrass me.
Right.
Jacqueline.
Hello.
You know...
The most extraordinary thing happened...
Amazing, really.
Good night.
- She seems like a lovely girl. - Yes, she's...
- Indeed. - Lovely.
Look, it's the bedroom.
- I'm putting you down now, all right? - Oh, good.
Okay. Just let's get this...
Oh, yes, it is very wet.
Don't... Let me just...
- I'm missing an arm. - I know, it's all right, because it's wet.
- Oh, my God, I'm missing an arm. - Just a minute. There.
Oh, good. So glad to see it.
I can get rid of this, I think.
Oh, no. Hello?
Anybody in?
You have to take this off, you know, it's absolutely soaking.
Come on.
I can undo this, all right? You'll have to manage the rest yourself.
"Prince Rupert slowly unbuttoned Rebecca's blouse...
"slipping his hand underneath and caressing her smooth skin."
Yes, well...
I'll just undo this.
There we are. Now that's undone. Come on, now.
Right. Thank you. Thank you very much.
Don't be angry, Kevin.
- I was just trying to have a good time. - All right.
Kevin? Who the hell is Kevin?
Hello?
Hello, it's Malcolm Hargraves here, in Paris.
I was wondering if you'd heard from Mrs. Palmer?
No. Why? Is something wrong?
She just seems to have...
disappeared.
No, she would never do anything like that.
She's a perfectly sensible girl.
That may be. I think you should be here.
Just a second.
"Rebecca Ryan, 2,000 francs."
"Rebecca Ryan, 8,000 francs."
"Rebecca Ryan, 37,000 francs."
I think we have to have a little talk.
I think you might be in some sort of trouble.
And I don't know what it is. And I'm not sure that you do either.
We all have secrets. I can understand that.
But I am beginning to worry about you. I don't want you to be hurt.
So what I propose is this.
That I take you to see this jolly good chap I know.
He is a sort of doctor.
And I think he might be able to help you work your way through this.
- What do you say? - What?
I said, I think you might be in some sort of trouble.
Trouble is my middle name. The Spanish Ambassador confessed.
- I've got to warn Victor. - Warn Victor about what?
Yes, it's all right there.
Victor's addressing the assembly, even as we speak.
Let's hope that his life doesn't end before his speech does.
- What are you looking for? - Your keys.
- Could I ask about these receipts? - What about them?
Well, I don't mean to pry or anything.
- Is this your signature? - Yes, I believe it is.
- This thing have any pockets in it? - Yes, and until now, no rips.
- Where are the keys to your car? - The concierge has them.
- Could we just straighten this out? - Stop fussing, Dimitri...
and get some rest. You look dreadful.
Yes, but we are talking here about thousands of francs.
I mean, dollars. And what's all this stuff about the Spanish Ambassador?
What did you say to Don Carlos...
My car. She got my car.
Follow that car.
I don't believe I said that.
Rebecca.
Just a second. Will you wait, damn it?
And is not the criminal a human being first?
Does he not still maintain his basic human dignity?
Is it not up to us, the state, to protect his dignity?
I say, if we do not protect his dignity...
- that would tarnish our own. - Excuse me. Sorry.
- Victor. - Ultimately, society...
will not be judged by the...
- the great buildings... - No.
...or the great monuments it leaves behind...
but rather by the way...
it treats its most disadvantaged citizens.
I say...
I say, let us build a monument to the human spirit.
I say...
- What are you doing? - Hi.
Saving Victor's life.
We... Sorry.
- We surely... - Get...
...must recognise that man... ...out.
- Get out. - That man...
They're going to kill him, Dimitri...
and no one can do a damn thing about it.
Get out.
- No one except Rebecca Ryan. - Get out.
Out.
- Thank you. - Now.
Rebecca, don't you think this has gone far enough?
It's gone too far. He's already taken the bait.
Just a second. Come on.
Do you understand? I'm trying to help you.
- I know you're eager to help, Dimitri. - Well, then.
But this is no time to play the hero.
I am not...
playing the hero.
I'm not playing the hero. You are playing the God damn...
Oh, no.
- I'll handle it. - Oh, no.
- Is this your car, monsieur? - Yes.
It is impossible to leave it here. It is not a parking place.
Yes, but every second counts when a man is about to be murdered.
Murder?
No. It loses something in the translation.
- What murder? - Tell Capt. Genet not to worry.
Rebecca Ryan's on the case.
Victor's walking into a trap and he doesn't know it.
Clutch.
I tried to warn him at the Embassy party...
but he pretended not to know what I was talking about.
- Who does? - It's very simple, Dimitri.
Red light.
Red light!
Was that red?
Damn it, Rebecca.
To the park. All right.
Damn it. Don't go, Rebecca.
- Come back. Could we discuss this? - Not now, Dimitri.
Got a light?
Now, listen.
You're going to get us both arrested.
That is Victor Marchand, for Christ's sake.
And he just made contact.
Dimitri.
Damn it.
- Keep that. - Merci beaucoup.
- There's a hand-off. - Oh, for God's sake.
Get down.
- Now, look what you have done. - Look what you did.
- Great. - Great.
- Where did he go? - I don't know.
No. Not going in there.
- Somebody's got to protect Victor. - From you.
What?
I don't...
Victor, wait.
Victor, where are you?
Rebecca.
Hey, wait. I need to talk to you.
God.
- For heaven's sake. - You're lucky you're still alive.
- I'm on a streak. Come on. - Listen.
I'm sorry. What?
Victor, it's all right. She's not dangerous.
She's just a little confused.
Can we just...
Wait, Rebecca.
- Just stop. - Victor, wait.
Victor, don't be afraid. I'm here to help.
- Listen. - What the hell was that?
Victor. Oh, my God, I hope we're not too late.
- I'm taking you out of here. - This is no time to worry about me.
A man's life is at stake. Would you let go of me?
No, I'm taking you to the hospital.
I really hate to do this, Dimitri.
What?
Someday you'll thank me for that.
Sorry.
Hey.
No, wait.
I'm here to help.
Wait.
The priest. Of course, the priest.
Father.
Wait. Father.
Wait.
Father, we haven't much time.
You have to break the sanctity of the confessional...
- and tell me who the killer is. - I had to do it.
I'm sorry, Father, for the mistake.
Entrez.
Don't tell them anything, Dimitri.
If the police get involved now they will just foul things up.
Come now.
Let's not have any secrets between us, Miss...
Ryan.
Rebecca Ryan.
- And you, sir? - No, thanks. I don't smoke.
- No. Your name. - Sorry.
Alan McMann.
Dimitri, I didn't mean that you had to lie about your name.
Inspector...
there's something that you'll want to know about this woman.
Maybe there is something I should know about you?
What?
But first, I want to know about the priest.
Right.
Miss Ryan, suppose you tell me exactly what happened.
- Well there's this... - No. Miss Ryan.
- Well... - And don't leave anything out.
Okay.
You know, you haven't said...
a word since we left the police station.
Is something wrong?
- Can I get you anything? - No, thank you, no. It's fine.
Thank you.
I want you to listen to me, Dimitri.
You know, life is full of these little ups and downs.
Pain is not something to be afraid of.
I'm glad I've gone through pain, because it teaches one courage.
I've seen a lot of men shot. I've seen a lot of men killed.
Some of them by my own hand.
And I guess it's something you never get used to.
We're lucky we have each other.
You know, in a funny way, you've ruined me.
I can never marry.
Even though you're the way you are.
Marriage pales next to our friendship.
I don't know a husband and wife that communicate as well as we do.
As a matter of fact...
I don't know a husband and wife...
that communicate...
at all.
What you are feeling right now...
is the barrel of a Smith and Wesson .357 Combat Magnum.
This weapon can fell an elephant at a 100 yards...
let alone a snake like you at point blank.
My shoes, you see? My shoes.
There's no one in them. Not even me.
Sorry. May I just have a word?
Just one second.
This is a book.
Rebecca Ryan is a character in a book. A book is not real life.
- Rebecca Ryan is not real life. - Calm down.
We all get a little tense when the bullets start flying.
Are you listening to me? This is a book.
Rebecca Ryan is a character in a book.
There is no one behind the curtain, there are no flying bullets.
- Oh, my God. - What?
Someone really is trying to kill us.
Dimitri, someone is always trying to kill us.
- We've got to get out of here. - Right.
Taxi.
- Hello. - What a pleasant surprise.
Aunt Edna.
- Thank God you're here. - Thank God you're here, too, dear.
Now don't be upset. Nobody's trying to kill us.
We're just going to stay here for a few days.
- God, I need a drink. - In there.
New friend?
She thinks she's Rebecca Ryan.
She thinks I'm Dimitri.
She obviously thinks that you are Dimitri's Aunt Edna.
- How utterly charming. - Yeah.
She also thinks that someone is trying to kill us.
Now, don't believe a word she says.
Above all, don't let her set foot outside this house. All right?
Where are you going?
To the police.
Whatever for?
Someone is trying to kill us.
Whatever you say, dear.
So, I understand you're in a bit of a bind.
What are you trying to tell me?
Is she Rebecca Ryan or is she not Rebecca Ryan?
I told you, there is no such person.
But she sat right here.
No, she thinks she's a character in a book.
She thinks I'm a character in a book.
She thinks even my mother is a character in a book.
- The woman is crazy. - She is not the only one.
Look, you have got to do something...
because the priest's death was not an accident.
That bullet and this one were meant for Rebecca.
The woman who does not exist?
No, of course she exists, but not as Rebecca.
- Because Rebecca does not exist. - Right.
Wrong. Get out of my office.
If you could just take it maybe from the beginning...
- Aunt Edna? - Yes, dear. I'm right here.
They think I know who the killer is. That's why they're trying to kill me.
- It's so obvious. - I wouldn't say obvious.
Sure it is. The Spanish Ambassador tried to run me down.
But he's just a pawn in somebody else's game.
The priest was the link, but they shot him before he could finger the killer.
Yes, I remember that story.
It's the one where the Count, whom we think is the good guy...
- actually betrays... - Victor.
Who?
My God, Edna, of course. Count Reneleau. He's the killer.
I've got to warn Victor.
Oh, my.
Victor.
Thank you so much for meeting me.
Ever since you spoke to me at the Embassy party...
I've been hoping I might see you again.
- Victor, I... - Yes?
I know what you're thinking.
You want to run your trembling fingers through my hair.
You want to carry me off somewhere and make passionate love to me.
But that will have to wait.
I don't believe I have ever met a woman quite like you before.
I know.
Believe me, Victor, I know what you're going through.
But we can't be blinded by passion.
Not while your life is at stake. I want you to tell me everything.
Otherwise, I can't be responsible for what might happen.
Pleasure before business.
Why don't we drink to me, a victim of desire?
Salud.
I told you not to let her out of the house.
I didn't. She let herself out.
She's a headstrong young lady and I found that attractive.
- Mother, what did you say to her? - I didn't say anything.
- You encouraged her, didn't you? - No, I didn't encourage her.
- I just set her straight. - Mother.
She was recounting the plot of The Priest Confesses...
but she seemed to have it all mixed up.
I simply reminded her that in The Priest Confesses, the Count...
whom we all think is the good guy, actually betrays...
Victor.
That's what she said.
Mother, what have you done?
I don't remember this Victor chap in The Priest Confesses.
He's not in The Priest Confesses.
Was it The Poisoned Princess?
No, he's not in a book. He's real.
Darling, I know we like to think of them as real...
but they are only characters in a book.
She obviously thinks that Victor is Vincent. Here it is.
"Rebecca gave Vincent's secretary urgent instructions:
"'Meet me at Chez Bernard immediately.
"'Your future and that of your country hang in the balance."'
I will not be outwitted by a two-dimensional character...
in a cheap romantic thriller.
Bite your tongue.
Oh, my God.
Excuse me, sir.
Victor. Is he all right?
- Yes, sir. - What happened? Was there a girl?
Excuse me.
Rebecca. Are you all right?
I'm fine, Dimitri. Unfortunately, Victor wasn't so lucky.
God, what happened?
If it wasn't for Miss Ryan's knowledge of first aid...
he would be in the morgue right now.
Just doing my job.
We found traces of potassium cyanide.
- Cyanide? - Yes.
But as I remember it he was supposed to have his throat cut.
They caught me off guard. I didn't expect them to poison him.
- But look. - What is that?
It's the matchbook from the park.
- Where did you get that? - It was in his pocket.
"640 St. Raphaël 12." What do you think that means?
It's an address.
- It must be an address. - Exactly.
Taxi.
Why am I saying this?
Well done, Dimitri. Now, what about the 12?
Maybe we missed him. Maybe it's just as well.
Might have been a lot of innocent bloodshed...
if he'd had the nerve to show up.
- Who? - Count Reneleau.
Can't we just forget this character for a while?
I've been trying to forget Reneleau for years.
You might as well try and forget evil.
He thinks I'm stupid and inept. He doesn't even know me.
It makes me so mad...
when he ignores me for his accounts at 2:00 in the morning.
He ignores you for his accounts? What do you mean?
What?
You said he ignores you for his accounts.
No. He's a Count. Count Reneleau.
I don't think I can take much more of this.
People are shooting at us with guns and everything, and I don't know why.
I don't know what's real anymore. I don't even know if you're real.
I don't know what it is you've got, but I think it's contagious.
Do you want to?
If you want to.
- Only if you do. - Well, sure, I want to.
- You don't sound very sure. - Sure I'm sure.
It's just if you've seen one cathedral, you've seen them all.
- Okay, Harold. - It's only a stupid cathedral.
It's not the cathedral, Harold. It's the last 15 years.
What's wrong?
Don't worry. Everything will be fine.
Really. Everything's going to be all right.
I won't let anything happen to you.
I'll stay with you till you're through this.
If anything does happen to you...
it'll probably happen to me as well.
Now, let's eat.
Oh, my God.
I've got it.
- I've got it. - Got what?
Count Reneleau wasn't trying to kill Victor, he was trying to kill me.
- What's wrong? - God. You're so beautiful.
I know, but that's beside the point. Aren't you listening to me?
- No, I think you better leave. - Why?
- Sorry. - I'm not.
I've waited for this moment for 15 years.
I wish that were true.
I wish it were all true.
I've loved you ever since the first time I set eyes on you.
Really?
Ever since we met on that train to Istanbul so many years ago.
Rebecca.
There's something we have to face.
I know. I think we made a mistake.
I don't know.
That's my fault, it's not yours.
It's no one's fault. It just happened.
- We must have misread it. - Misread it?
Yeah, the address. It didn't lead us anywhere.
- Do you think it could be a red herring? - I'm afraid to think anymore.
My son also rises.
Too bad you weren't up earlier to help me in the garden.
My chrysanthemums are lovely this year.
- I think I'm in love with her. - Isn't that nice?
You don't understand. She's a nut.
Your father was one of the biggest nuts of the whole world...
and I loved him dearly for 33 years.
Even when he chained himself to a tree during an electrical storm...
and dared the lightning to strike him.
Which, unfortunately, it did.
I should have taken her to a hospital.
Why is she starting to make sense?
Why am I asking you?
I'll get it.
- Yes? - You...
Now, stop it. Both of you. Right now.
Dimitri, it's not an address. It wasn't an address at all.
It's a departure time for the Paris Express. Look.
The 6:40 to St. Raphaël on the 12th. That's today.
Victor will be on that train. And it will be the last train he ever takes.
- What happened to your nose? - My nose?
Someone just tried to kill me.
They will stop at nothing to keep us from getting on that train. Come on.
There's not a moment to lose. Coming, Aunt Edna?
Yes. Of course.
Hat.
Cathy?
Victor's going to deliver the state secrets.
Once they're in Count Reneleau's hands, he's as good as dead.
Train leaves in 5 minutes, can we make it?
Watch this.
Wait.
Attendez.
Wait. I'm here to help.
Wait!
Don't go in there. They'll kill you.
Victor's safe now, thanks to us.
Unfortunately, nobody else is.
Not as long as Count Reneleau is still alive.
Dimitri, you know I always get my man.
Even when he's a woman.
- Even when he's a woman. - My God.
- Stop. - What are you doing?
Let go of me!
Count Reneleau. He's a killer. Don't let him near me.
Cathy!
Rebecca? What is it?
Help me.
One in a hundred, no, one in a million is the talent your wife has.
The girl can write.
Let her do one book for me and I guarantee a bestseller.
Alan, you tell him.
She's very talented.
Well, I tried.
Mr. Palmer?
Your wife wants you to wait a moment while she talks to Mr. McMann.
- How are you? - Okay.
Quite a mystery I had going there, wasn't it?
Yes. Quite a fantasy.
It's just unfortunate that it got mixed up in other people's reality.
I feel so bad about Victor.
I tried to contact him several times...
but he wouldn't return my calls.
Thought I was saving his life. I almost killed him.
You were a heroine in the classic tradition.
It's strange just being Cathy Palmer again.
What's Cathy Palmer like?
Nothing special.
I bet you're glad to get rid of me.
Actually, I've never been less glad of anything in my life.
Oh, well.
I don't know how to say goodbye.
Bye, Rebecca.
Look, it's gonna be all right.
We'll go home, we'll pick up where we left off.
A lot of things have happened, but we'll just put those things behind us...
and get on with...
Things will be a lot clearer later.
Maybe I didn't take this writing thing of yours serious enough.
Maybe some of this is my fault.
But things can be like they were. Or pretty close.
No, they can't. What am I saying?
You've been running around Paris as this weird person.
You slept with...
I think it's a mistake to talk about this tonight.
Things will be a lot clearer in the morning.
I'm looking forward to getting back. God, it's gonna be good.
Much better than it was before.
Not that it was horrible or anything...
but I'm aware that maybe I haven't been the most...
The best...
Well, I am aware of those things.
Still, it's a good thing. I mean you and I have a pretty good thing.
Marriage isn't always just smooth sailing.
I mean, marriage is a tough proposition in any country.
Just do me one favour, kid. Don't enter any more contests.
We're together.
- I can't. - You can't what?
I can't make it work.
Cathy, I've taken about all of this I'm going to take.
I've given all I can give.
This is ridiculous.
You're going to end our marriage right here in an airport?
Alan.
I couldn't go back to what I was. I tried, but I just...
We gotta get out of here. My head is killing me.
If I can think of a way...
Victor, what are you doing here?
Don't you think it's a little late to play innocent?
You're behind this? What did we ever do to you?
I love this room.
My ancestors strangled, massacred, and hanged...
several hundred Protestants in here during the 16th century...
a glorious era that shall never come again.
Do you have any idea how much it costs to maintain a place like this?
For a couple of centuries it was tea and opium.
Nowadays it's cocaine and heroin.
My God. You shot the priest.
I was aiming for Miss Ryan.
Shooting a priest distressed me enormously.
I don't know how much you know about my activities, Miss Ryan...
but I intend to find out.
You've got it wrong. I'm not Rebecca Ryan.
In about 20 minutes, you'll be begging to tell me everything.
Even as we speak, the blood is gorging the capillaries of your brains.
Soon, some of them will begin to explode.
I'd be more than happy to provide a less painful death...
if you'd just tell me who it was that betrayed me.
Victor, you don't understand. We don't know anything.
She suffered a traumatic shock. She thought she was a character in a book.
Didn't you ever hear of the Rebecca Ryan novels?
The time for games is over.
You've been remarkably successful in avoiding your death...
until now.
Wait. Victor, don't go.
What are you doing?
I'm doing what Rebecca Ryan did in The Missionary Murders.
She swung back and forth until she caught Dimitri's hands...
and then she untied him.
That wasn't The Missionary Murders, that was The Stairway to Death.
No, that wasn't The Stairway to Death. In The Stairway to Death...
she made the bomb out of the Sheikh's aftershave.
No, that was The Serpent Sings.
You're crazy. It wasn't The Serpent Sings.
Of course it was. The stupid serpent bloody sings.
You've got it. It's loose.
Christ, anyway. I ought to know...
as...
I...
wrote...
the bloody...
books.
What?
What do you mean, you wrote the books?
I'm Margaret McMann.
What?
I mean, she's my mother.
- She's your... - And I'm her son.
But she didn't write the books, I did.
She's my front.
What do you mean, she's your front?
I didn't want anybody to know...
that I wrote that cheap pulp.
Cheap pulp? How dare you call that cheap pulp?
Those are wonderful stories, and you're a terrific writer.
- You really think so? - I love those books.
That's what got me into all this trouble in the first place.
Let's get out of here.
God. I hate heights.
Give me your hand.
Wait.
Come on!
Alan, I think we're in trouble.
You two are impossible.
Au revoir.
Look out!
Oh, my God.
What do we do now, Rebecca?
I wish I knew.
I can't hold on much longer.
Neither can I.
I know this isn't the right time or place, but...
I love you.
I love you, too.
"...narrowly missing them...
"and sending the planks crashing down onto the jagged rocks below.
"Instinctively, they leaped for the scaffolding...
"which, to their horror, swung inexorably out over the water...
"leaving them helplessly suspended in midair.
"Their eyes met in desperation...
"as their fingers slowly slipped from the cold steel.
"Down they plunged, 200 feet...
"and disappeared beneath the dark surface of the icy water."
Time for bed.
You can't stop now. I can't stand the suspense.
Neither can Margaret.
Come on, chaps.
Just a couple more pages. Talk to her, Alan.
There are no more pages.
- Hurry up and write some. - To bed.
- Goodnight, Mum. - Goodnight, sweetheart.
- Goodnight, Mum. - Goodnight, Alan.
Sleep tight.
So they disappear beneath the surface of the icy water.
What happens next?
You know what happened next.
Yes, but we can't tell them that.
Okay, so?
Well, how about...
she gets eaten by a giant...
- She gets eaten by a giant. - Alan.
All right.
How about...
he doesn't want to work any more tonight...
so he carries her off...
to a turret high in his castle...
runs his fingers through her silky hair...
and makes mad, passionate...
love to her.
End of chapter.