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Gino!
Gino, you come in here now!
I don't remember much about when I was a kid.
I remember the summers. Bungalow bar and Johnny ride the pony.
Listenin' to 45s on the close n' play.
Oh, most of all, sittin' on the front stoop with my best friend teen...
And her six sisters playin' beauty parlor.
I was eleven years old.
I looked like a 40-year-old divorcee with a drinkin' problem.
I had no brothers or sisters...
Which in a catholic neighborhood like bensonhurst made me kinda like a martian.
I gotta go change the record.
- Put on "band of gold." - Yeah, that sounds good.
My mother left when I was three.
I didn't know much about her except she was an Italian from Texas...
That pop met when he was in the army down there.
She's what my aunt Vicky called a "free spirit."
I knew she was iivin' back in Texas somewhere...
But no one ever talked about her, least of all my pop.
Every year we signed a Christmas card and mailed it down to her sister...
But that's as close as I ever got.
- Hey! - Who's this?
- No one. Give it back! - Is it your mother?
My mother told me she used to dance half naked in the snow.
She's a free spirit.
Back off!
Teen, what do you think it'll be like when we grow up?
First, we'll find two brothers and get married!
Twins! So neither of us gets someone cuter.
Right! Then we'll get pregnant at exactly the same time.
Yeah! Then our chests will get bigger.
Angie, you don't have to wait 'til you're pregnant to make the chest bigger.
All you do is talk to it. What do you say? I don't know.
Grow! I guess.
G row?
Grow.
- Grow. - Grow.
- Grow. Grow.
- Grow. Grow. Grow. - Grow. Grow. Grow.
- Hurry up, Angie. - I'm hurrying, Tina.
Yeah.
Right. And then he yells at me. The bum.
All right, I know.
We didn't exactly grow up and become Audrey hepburn or nothin.
But, at least we get to go into the city to work every day.
- Forget about it. - Later.
Never seen them before.
Hey, Angie! Tina!
Very nice, ange.
You are right. You're always right.
But then if I didn't run, we wouldn't be here.
I sure wouldn't mind sitting down.
Tina got me this job. It's great!
The only drag is, it's not like it's a real magazine or nothin.
Micro circuit. You tell people where you work, they never heard of it.
Whew! So go ahead, ange.
These four nuns are tryin' to get into heaven. And St. Peter says to the first one...
"Sister, I must ask you before I let you in: Have you ever touched a penis?"
- No, never. - She says, "yes, as a matter of fact."
Once with the tip of my finger I did touch one."
He says, "all right, dip your finger in the holy water and pass on through."
The second one steps up, he asks her the same question.
"I have to admit once in the backseat of a car, I touched a penis with my hand."
"Dip your whole hand in the holy water and pass on through."
The third one steps up, but the fourth one pushes her outta the way and says...
"Look, if you think I'm gonna gargle with that shit after she sticks her ass in it...
You can forget about it!"
Vinnie and I had been boyfriend, girlfriend since the 9th grade.
But we still don't live together.
He's a plumber. Used to dream I'd end up with a stockbroker or something.
Someone who wore a suit.
I mean, Vinnie's got a suit, but it's green!
I'm lying under this lady's sink today and it comes to me... like bing!
I'm gonna make a commercial.
- You're gonna make a commercial? - It's a great idea!
I mean, it's gotta be good for business, right?
- What business? Baby, it's you and a truck. - That's what I'm tryin' to fix.
- Make a commercial. - I think that's a good idea.
- I do, I really do. - What do you know about it, huh?
I've got an opinion like everybody else.
He didn't ask how he could get people to eat six meals a day. He's talking about plumbing.
- Just stand there. - Yeah, right, thanks a lot.
Vinnie's a nice guy. He's got a good heart.
Not like Tina's husband Jerry. They got two kids, but he don't treat her right.
Hey, hey, hey! Ding. Okay?
Please?
- Aah. - Real nice!
Hey, don't start with me tonight.
I thought we were goin' to your house.
Me and my stepmother Kathy don't get along, but we pretend like we do.
I ain't eatin' her cooking. I'll tell you that right now.
Like I'm gonna stay in the same room with her long enough to eat.
- Hi. - Hi! How was the movie?
Itwas great. - You hungry? I got shells and sauce I made special.
Your father's in the kitchen.
- Hey, pop. - Hi, ange.
- Frank! - What?
- Angie is here with Vinnie. - All right.
Don't ask me what pop sees in her.
It's funny. She ain't Italian, but she keeps wishin' she was.
Oh, I gotta check my sauce!
How you feelin'? - You want the truth or what I tell everybody?
- The truth. - I feel fantastic!
Vinnie, I'm having some trouble with the sinks at the store.
- Oh, yeah? - Yeah.
I'll come by tomorrow. I'll take a look. - Good.
Pop, when are you gonna get rid of those sinks, buy some new ones?
What are you talking about? Those sinks are perfectly good. - They're prehistoric!
- God forbid you should make a change. - Here you are!
Mangia.
Angie, would you like some? I got plenty.
No, thanks, I've been a little nauseous all day.
You never take care of yourself. You're always waitin' for somebody else to do it for you.
What's that mean? - It means you were raised like a little Princess.
Hey, news flash! I was not raised like a little Princess.
All right, all right! Let's have a little peace tonight.
Please?
- So, how is it? - Um, delicious.
- It's fantastic. - Yeah?
Got any cheese?
I have one memory of my mother to go with my one photograph.
I'm three years old and my relatives are over.
Aunt violetta who can make a rock cry...
Great aunt Louisa who's been in mourning since 1956...
And my crazy aunt Vicky who has her big puppet head pushed so close to me...
I can see the cracks in her tongue.
- She's asking me... - What are you gonna do with your life?
Three years old! I was this close to bursting into tears...
When suddenly out of nowhere my mother picks me up like a super hero.
Angie, some stories don't fit inside a person's mouth.
Some stories just have to tell themselves.
That's what she said.
I guess I'll just have to let my story tell itself.
- Angela scacci... - Scacciapensieri.
I've been seeing the same gynecologist since I'm 14.
But, Jackie, my boss, she says this Dr. Gould, he's the best.
Don't be nervous. He's one of the top men in the field!
He treats the mayor's wife.
- No kiddin'? - Yes!
Good morning, doctor.
- Angie. - Dr. Gould.
- How ya doin'? - Please sit down.
All right.
- Are your periods always regular? - Usually like clockwork.
Every 28 days.
I got your name from Jackie short... Schwartz. She's my boss.
I just, um, didn't want to go to the same gynecologist as half my neighborhood.
- Go ahead and lie down. - All right.
Place your legs in the stirrups, please.
Scoot down, please.
Come on down a little further.
You know, Jackie was my date at my senior prom.
No kidding?
So... you think you might be pregnant, huh?
Yeah.
Please don't feel self-conscious about my height.
Oh, god, no, of course not.
I-I-I think it's nice you don't have to bend or nothin'.
I always think gynecologists must have such back problems.
- Ow, Jesus, Angie! - Hold still.
- That one don't got a head. - Yeah, it does. It's a real juicy one.
It could fill an eclair.
- Ow! Ow! That's enough. - All right.
You're a very weird girl. It ain't a sportin' event.
- You set the alarm? - Yeah.
- Come here. - Vinnie, we gotta talk.
- We'll talk tomorrow. - No, listen to me.
- Angie, you know how beautiful you are? - Vinnie?
- Oh my god, Vinnie. - Talk to me. Go ahead.
- I'm gonna throw up! Get off! - What?
Oh, god!
- Are you all right? - I'm fine.
It wasn't you, I swear. You were great.
Oh, yeah. If I make a girl puke, I know I showed her a good time.
What's wrong? You got like a virus or something?
You know what that's from? It's from all those elevators in the city.
You keep breathing air that's been breathed through somebody else's nostrils.
- And it makes you sick. - I'm pregnant.
- You're what? - I'm pregnant.
For real?
Yeah. Remember that time at pop's house...
Angie, that is so fucking wonderful!
- We're gonna have a baby! - Vinnie, no! Put me down!
Or we won't be able to sleep in this room neither. - I'm sorry.
- Put me down quick. - I'm sorry. Here.
Lie back, relax. Okay?
- You all right? - Uh-huh.
- Oh, man, this is great! When's he due? - December 25th.
December friggin' 25th! The baby's gonna pop out like Jesus Christ.
That is fuckin' unbelievable. That is so fuckin' unbelievable.
Vinnie, please, the neighbors are gonna hear.
Who gives a shit? I want 'em to hear! I want everybody to know!
- Hey, I'm havin' a baby! - Way to go, Vinnie!
We're gettin' married right away, ange, okay?
It don't matter if it's a boy or a girl or whatever...
'Cause whatever we have this time, we'll go and have the other one the next time.
Next time? Calm down. This one ain't even born yet.
Angie, I'm gonna make you happy.
I swear it. Anything.
- Thank you. Thank you. - Oh.
Saltines.
My sister when she was pregnant with the twins and had the morning sickness...
- She said the saltines helped her. - Oh.
So tomorrow I'm gonna go out and get you a dozen boxes.
You want something now? - No, no, Vinnie, please, I'm just scared, okay?
Promise me we're not gonna turn out like Tina and Jerry, okay?
Tell me we're special.
We're special, baby. You make us special.
I know that.
But enough's enough. Angela, I mean, you can be special and normal too.
A house, a crib, a nice normal life.
I mean, I can't wait. Can you, huh?
Oh, boy.
- Pop. - Hi, ange.
I've got some good news. Me and Vinnie are gonna get married.
- You and Vinnie? - We're gonna have a baby.
You're havin' a baby? Ahh!
Oh, I'm so pleased! That's fantastic!
Hey, come here! She's going to get married. She's having a baby.
- It's a breast pump! - You are gonna thank me for this.
Let's make a toast to the baby.
To the baby.
You're gonna love it, Angie, the whole thing.
It's the most beautiful experience a woman can have. - Damn straight!
Except for the water retention. My hands swelled up so much...
I had to go to a jeweler to get my rings cutoff.
Forget the hands. How 'bout the way your breasts swell up?
- I leaked so bad, I ruined 12 blouses. - Oh, my god.
That stuff, it doesn't come out.
Stop it! You'll give her nightmares for the next seven months.
- It really is a beautiful experience. - Of course it is.
Oh, I'm...
When I was born, my mother, she pushed so hard she had a b.M. Right there on the table.
Ah, I'm gonna uh... I gotta take a walk.
- Angie, don't listen to them. - I'm sorry!
So, when are you gonna start gettin' big?
You're gonna look so sexy when you get some meat on your bones.
Hey, look, baby names.
Will I be sexy when my breasts are ieakin' and I'm having bowel movements on the table?
- What? - Nothing.
What about Joey or Johnny if it's a boy? Johnny or Jimmy?
Or Debbie if it's a girl?
For those you need a book?
For instance, all right?
What about Marie after my grandmother?
The woman who said I was a slut, who'd chew your heart up and spit it on the pavement!
It's just her way, all right?
- How come we never go to a museum? - Don't start with that.
It's a nice day out. I don't wanna think about a museum.
These pictures ain't so hard. You can see people in 'em and everything.
That broad needs to get laid.
Come on, fatty, I'll buy ya a carvel.
Pop? - Hi, ange. I called before. You weren't home.
- Come in. - How ya doin'?
- I'm all right. How are you? - Good, good, good.
- What's in the box? - A present.
- Yeah? - Open it.
- A wedding dress. - You ain't bought one yet, have you?
- Oh, good
it's the one your mother wore the day she married me.
Oh, my god.
- Oh, pop! - Isn't it beautiful?
Here. Look at the rest of it.
- Look at all these beads. - Whoa!
Angie, now that is a wedding dress!
Excuse me, frank. Sorry.
I think it'll mean a lot to her...
If you wore it on your wedding day.
My god, pop. I can't believe you saved it all this time.
- Oh, honey, baby. - Thank you.
You don't throw out a thing like that!
You can let it out too! I mean, don't worry.
- I told her, she's gonna look sexy fat. - Shut up.
Your mother doesn't know I did this.
When she sees you walking down the aisle, it's gonna mean so much to her.
- This is Kathy's dress. You said my mother. - Of course, she is your mother.
- She's not, pop, no offense. - She raised you since you were seven.
- Stay outta this! - Angie, don't start, huh?
For over 20 years, that woman tried to get you to like her.
- Now at least show her some respect. - I ain't wearing her dress!
How the hell did you get so goddamn selfish?
That woman saved my life when I was married to your mother.
She helped me through the worst period of my life.
You were seeing Kathy when you were still married to my mother?
- Forget I mentioned the whole thing. - Were you seeing her?
- Gimme the goddamn box! - Everybody, calm down.
- Take it easy, ange. Calm down! - Let me go!
Ow! Jesus!
I'm bleedin! What are you, out of your mind?
Come on, everybody. Good. Make a line.
Keep together.
Maria?
I saw that!
Let's go, come on.
It breaks a lot of rules, this picture.
Empty space on the left.
The pair of them looking at the short side of the frame, but it works!
All this emptiness reinforces their isolation. Don't you think?
Are you all right?
Yeah, I will be... if you leave.
God.
Excuse me!
Excuse me, ma'am. There's no eating in the museum.
I'll have to take those. - Trust me. You want me to eat these crackers.
- There are signs posted. No food or beverages... - Pal, if I don't eat these...
You're gonna have a new kind of modern art on your floor. - I don't make the rules.
- Then I'm going to have to puke on your paintings. - I have to ask you to leave.
Hey, get your hands...
Calm down, please! - Take it easy, pal. The lady's feelin' nauseous.
An extreme reaction to degas, I will admit. If it had been Picasso...
- You know this man? - I've never seen him before in my life.
She's waiting for a formal introduction. Could you do the honors?
- Get off me. Why don't you throw him out? - He's not eating.
Here we go, outside. Thank you very much.
- Have a nice day. - Your museum's overrated.
And the guards at the Whitney could kick your ass.
Look, it was interesting meeting you.
Have a nice life. I'm sure it'll be a short one.
We haven't met. My name's Noel. Yours, please?
Ralph. - If we're giving real names, mine's Denise.
Are you lonely or horny? What's your problem? - I'm Irish.
Which often gets confused for lonely and horny.
You seemed to really like that degas painting. - Yeah, well...
It looks like a lot of marriages I've seen.
- So, you some kind of artist or something? - I'm an international lawyer.
- You? - Brain surgeon. Mount sinai.
I remember you from right after the accident.
You said I didn't need that cerebral cortex. - That was me.
Shamelessly obvious pass, but can I buy you dinner?
Denise, just 'cause I get thrown out of a museum, don't mean I'm a cheap lay.
- Dinner and a movie? I'm kidding! - I gotta go.
Just hang on a minute. Let me give you my number.
Here you are. Come on.
We could get thrown out of the guggenheim together.
All right, you, leave right now...
And I won't use this glock nine millimeter I'm holdin'...
To blow your face through the back of your head!
Not, "gee, honey, great to see ya!"
But it's the most you said to me in about a week.
Vinnie, you idiot! My god, you scared the shit outta me.
Angela, what the fuck is goin' on here?
I go to touch you and you pull away from me.
I call you on the phone, you don't want to talk to me! - Vinnie, go home.
I just... I gotta have some time to myself.
- Oh, come on with that bullshit! - Why is that bullshit?
You don't know everything. You're not carnac the magnificent!
You don't know what's goin' on inside a person's head.
- The eggplants are comin' very nice. - Yeah, good.
Don't put too much water on 'em.
- How's the tomatoes? - Good! Good fruit.
Hi, pop. Hi, Kathy.
- Hi, ange. - Angie! Ah, listen...
Garden looks beautiful, Kathy. I mean it. You got the touch.
Listen, I never really said congratulations about Vinnie and the baby.
It's okay. - No, it's not. The baby outweighs everything, Angie.
It's a miracle from god.
I just hope you realize what a precious gift it is.
Pop, I'm sorry about the other day.
Cooled off real nice, huh?
God must've finally won a game of cards.
Pop, I know you don't wanna talk about it, but...
Why'd you have an affair on my mother?
Why do you gotta start, Angie, huh?
Did you love her?
Angie, you can never understand what it was like iivin' with her.
Finding her in her nightgown in the snow...
Dancin' with her lips all blue.
So she danced in the snow.
Maybe she liked it. Maybe she loved life more than you and...
Angie, I can't talk about this, all right?
She's gone. We have a life here. That's it.
- Fine. I understand. - No! No. Some thingsjust end, Angela.
- This is one of 'em. - Fine.
Exhale, turn left.
Again, way up. Lift, exhale.
And lift.
And back, hunching fonnard.
Left arm, right. Let the shoulders...
Look at her. Nine months pregnant, she goes on tape wearing white spandex.
I don't know. I like this tape. They don't work you out so hard.
Gimme that back! I'm gonna kill you!
Hey, what is going on in there, huh?
- Nothing. - All right, so just relax, okay? Relax!
Oh, they are gettin' so weird!
Richie took the little one, turned him upside down like a mop...
And practically did the floor.
- What's this? - This is a guy.
- A guy guy? - The "guyest."
- Angela, what're you doin'? - I met him in that museum.
He's a real nutjob, but he's cute. He's from Ireland.
- I just don't know if I wanna call him. - You're pregnant.
You're getting married. You're carrying around some foreigner's number...
In your pocket like it's gonna burn too big a hole to be lost in the bag.
I think you wanna call him. You're gonna end up on Oprah.
I've been avoiding Vinnie like the plague. He don't know what to think.
Well, he's not the only one, darlin'.
Very nice! I leave you five minutes, I got a big mess.
- You paint these? - Depends.
- Do you like them? - Uh, depends. What are they?
That one is "rush hour in Manhattan."
Uh-huh. I do like 'em. So'd you paint 'em?
I modeled. That's me on the left.
I used to be thinner.
I can't believe the elevator opens up right into your apartment.
So cool.
I'm a little nervous. I haven't had a morning after in a long time.
You? I got up and cooked!
I feel like me mother. Next I'm gonna vacuum.
Are you tellin' me you've never done this before? - Never!
But, uh, could you hurry it up, please? I have to be back at the met at 11:30.
That accent lets you get away with a shitload, huh?
It's a crap accent. Yours is the ace one.
Hey, so, just because I get thrown out of the museum...
Don't mean I'm a cheap lay.
- Good. Very deniro. - Thank you.
- Can you do mine? Go on, give it a try. - No.
All right.
Pink hearts, yellow stars, orange moons, green clovers.
Magically delicious!
What have the Irish ever done to you to make you hate us so much?
Bagels.
- So, Noel, you like kids? - Sure.
That's why I stayed one 'til I was 35... 38, 42... hike!
- Sure, I'd like to have a whole rake of 'em. - You don't say.
- What's the music? - Jules massenet. It's from a ballet.
It's all about a guy and a girl... and death.
And death comes to take the guy.
You know, death: White face, black tights, bad attitude.
And the girl tricks death into taking her instead of the guy.
- Hmm. - Atta girl.
- This an Irish chick? - Huh?
- She obviously ain't Italian! - Shut up.
How you doin'?
Wow!
You must be my 12:00.
So, what is this?
- It's an office. - Yes, I see that.
Your machine said to try you at your office.
You know, here I thought you were an artist.
- I sleep with you once and now you're in a suit. - I told you I was a lawyer.
Yeah, but you never tell the truth.
Well, the lonely painter in the loft was working so well, and people hate lawyers.
No, people hate lies.
So, is this really yours? Maybe you rented it to impress me.
No, I rented the apartment to impress you.
Let's make a system of bells. One ring, you're full of shit; Two, you're not.
Fine, so, what do you do?
- I'm a fashion model. - Bong!
- Screw you! - Well.
What I mean is, you're far too intelligent. - Yes.
Good save, but screw you anyway.
Never met a woman like you.
I've met teamsters like you.
Teamster ever do this?
Yeah, but I told him I was married and that was the end of it.
Should I come back at 1:00?
How many times has this happened to you?
At dopodomani plumbers we guarantee...
Cut, cut, cut. Vinnie, we gotta do it again.
You're doin' great, but remember you're a little stiff.
What's the first thing I said to you about the camera?
- "The camera is your..." - My friend.
Right. And it's never gonna talk back to you. - Right.
Say whatever you want. Just talk to the camera, nice, friendly...
All right. Thanks.
- Okay. Ready, Vinnie? - Oh, yeah.
Okay. Ready... action.
How many times has this happened to you? - Cut.
- What's the matter? - That smile. You know how to smile?
I'm not smilin'?
- Just dial... 1-9-1-0... - No, no, no.
- What? - Vinnie. Vinnie.
Just dial 9-1-0, p-I-u-m-m...
- No, no! - What?
Let me ask you a question. How many times has this happened to you?
At dopodomani plumbers, we guarantee we can lick any problem in one hour or less...
Or it's no charge to you; Get your money back.
Just dial...
9-1-0 plummers. P-I-u-m-m-e-r-s.
- Vinnie, hand me a ratchet. - Sure.
Dopodomani plumbers, because you never know what you'll find under your sink.
And... cut! Itwas great, Vinnie. Everything worked.
- Itwas all right. Don't wanna look like an idiot. - It was great.
Can't help the way you look, but you sounded great. - You're very funny.
- You know Tina? You'll probably like her. - Yeah? She single?
- How much? - Ah, $600.
- Thought we said five. - Six.
- Here you go. Better look good. - You look great.
- Come on, ange, let's go. I'm hungry. - So go eat.
What are you doin'? Get outta there. We're done.
- No. - What do you mean, "no"?
- Come on, let's go. Come on. - No.
I have never been so humiliated in my whole life. You didn't even see my face.
It's acting, Angela. Do you think the guy in the elephant man said...
"I ain't gonna do this 'cause you ain't gonna see my face"? Huh?
- Ow! - Besides, your legs look terrific.
- And you don't spell "plumber" with two "Ms." - it's somebody else's number.
- You did a good job. - Thank you. You, too.
Thank you.
So, I forgot to tell ya.
- Took out a homeowners loan yesterday. - Huh?
I bought a house. - You forgot to tell me. What, are you crazy?
It's the sweetest little place you've ever seen on eighty-fourth street, baby.
- You're serious! - Yeah! It's perfect. It's got a garage.
It's got a little room for the baby. You should've seen it.
You're damn right I should've seen it before you took out a loan on a house!
A whole house! Ain't I supposed to live in it too?
Realtor said another couple were gonna make an offer. I had to move on it!
You've been goin' places with a realtor behind my back?
- Huh? - Angela, you've seemed edgy lately.
I thought I'd look at a few places, check 'em out first.
Do all the legwork and then show 'em to you.
I never thought I'd have to say "yes" to one on the spot.
All right, Vinnie, look.
I've been thinkin' about this so I'm just gonna come out and say it.
I don't think it's a good idea our gettin' married.
- I don't think we'd be good for each other. - Angela, don't bust my balls.
- You see it first. Then if you don't like it... - It's not just the house.
- It's everything, all right! - Oh, here she goes.
- She's gonna try and be all serious now. - I am serious as cancer!
It's not something you can talk me out of, so please don't try.
You know what I'm like when I'm certain and I am certain about this.
This is crazy. Are you really that mad?
It's not crazy! It's how I feel! I'm sorry.
Hey, where're you goin'?
I don't believe this. I don't fucking believe this!
Vin, please, you had to see it comin'.
Goddammit!
Get outta the fucking way!
Hey, you son-of-a-bitch!
Vinnie, what the hell are you doin'?
Goddamn motherfucker!
Vinnie, cut it out. Come on!
Jesus. What are you doin'?
All right.
Now, say it to me again.
I can't go out with you no more, Vinnie.
You can't go out with me no more?
You're pregnant with my baby.
We're gettin' married and you can't go out with me no more?
Angela, I'm gonna ask you a question. And I need an answer.
Whatever you say, that's it. No goin' back. No changin' your mind.
'Cause I can't take it. Okay? I can't take it anymore.
Are we gonna get married or not?
Have you ever loved me, Angela? No, really!
'Cause I don't think so.
I mean, what are people gonna think?
What are they gonna say, huh?
You're knocked up with my baby and you won't even marry me.
They're gonna think I'm some kind of fucking animal. - No, vin, come on.
It doesn't matter what people think. You're a great guy.
You could find somebody better in like two minutes.
Like you found somebody?
It ain't like that, vin.
That would be better, you know.
You just don't wanna marry me.
- Right? - Yeah.
- Hello? - Hey, Noel, it's Angie.
Listen, I got somethin' I gotta tell ya.
Yeah? I got something to tell you too. No bullshit, two bells.
Me first. My bell's louder. My bell's big Ben.
- You sittin'? - Sure.
Maybe that's not enough. Maybe you better, like, get into bed.
- What is it? - I'm pregnant.
It's not yours. It's from before I met you.
So, are we still on for dinner on Friday?
You're okay, Noel. Whoever you are.
What'd you have to tell me?
You're not gonna believe this, but, uh, I'm pregnant too, and it is yours.
How's that for coincidences?
Careful. Excuse me.
Sorry. What's his problem?
- Where are we? - Right over here.
Thank god we're on the aisle. I gotta pee every five minutes.
Quit whinin' about your broken water!
I've had these tickets for six months and we're not leaving now!
I'll be fine.
That's a jeté lift.
- That's a sissone lancé. - Would you get over yourself.
Oh, look. That's called... "Ouch, my balls!"
Is this... is this good? I mean, this is a great ballet?
How would I know? Never saw one before.
I just thought you'd like it.
I do.
What?
What are you doin'?
Makin' pizza.
Pizza don't come on English muffins.
Vinnie used to love my pizzelles.
You never really cooked for him much, did you?
- I admit, I never sprayed his food. - Very funny.
You laugh alone in bed at night?
What are you doin'?
It's my breathing exercises.
- That can't be good for the baby. - It's lamaze.
Fine. When the kid gets asthma, god forbid, don't come runnin' to me.
- You can't be serious! - Come on, I'm watching!
In my day, women did not need lamaze or vcrs in the delivery room.
They all had drugs. They slept through the whole thing.
Really? I can tell you there were a lot fewer caesareans.
'Cause the mothers were all 22. They didn't wait to get their careers goin' before kids.
Because motherhood was a career, the most important career!
Yeah, well, the pay stinks.
It amazes me how people who have never been through it know exactly what you're doin' wrong.
Angie! - No, tell her. She's always on my case with little digs.
It'd be so much easier for me if Vinnie were still around.
I'm not gaining enough weight for my height... - You're not.
'Cause I'm eatin' sprayed food. Two more weeks of this...
That's enough! - Kathy, when you have a baby come and talk to me.
Until then, don't stick your nose where it ain't never been.
Excuse me.
- What? What'd I do? - I hope you're happy now!
She has been there, Angie. She lost a baby her first marriage.
- Didn't live an hour. - How am I supposed to know that?
You weren't! You were just supposed to be a little nicer.
You're supposed to treat her like your mother.
I just don't think it's right, the whole thing with Noel.
Don't start, please.
You see him, what, once, twice a week?
- He never met your parents. - Oh, yeah.
And you never talk about what's gonna happen after the baby's born.
He's my vacation from all that.
How do you know what kind of father he's gonna be?
When I was pregnant, all Jerry ever talked about...
Was how he was gonna teach the kids stick ball.
I guess they can't all be Jerry, huh?
I'm sorry. Could we just do this please?
Yeah, sure. Except you're eatin' the whole focal point.
I ain't using this as no focal point.
Ain't you got something else?
You gonna bring a roll of cookie dough in the delivery room? - Why not?
- Maybe, I don't know. - What've you got?
How 'bout this?
I bet this will give you something to concentrate on when you're in labor!
If I had this, I wouldn't be in labor.
- Give it to me. I need it! - It's mine now!
Hey, you ready? I got the kids waitin' in the car.
What the hell is so funny?
Nothing. We were just talkin' about Tina's old boyfriend. - He was so plastic!
Finish it on the phone, will ya? It's all you do anyway.
Fuckin' $100 phone bills. And those calls ain't mine, you know that, teen.
Why not? You're the only one who's home all day. - That's real nice. That's...
What the hell is this?
Well, well, well!
You girls havin' a little afternoon delight, huh? - Yeah.
When did you pull this out of mothballs?
When she realized at least that thing made noise in bed.
She only got this in the first place because I wouldn't fuck her.
Jerry, if I was her, iwouldn't fuck you with a rented vagina.
You got some mouth. No wonder Vinnie dumped you.
What the fuck is this? A body block from Petunia pig?
- I can't tell. Which one of you two is pregnant? - Shut up and let's go.
Don't tell me to shut up.
You just can't take I'm the only one who tells you the truth, teen.
You're a real Saint. - If it wasn't for me makin' fun, she'd weigh 500 pounds.
- She looks great. - Oh, yeah?
- Come here. What size is this? - Come on.
Cut it out! - Tell me what size it is! Eighteen? Eighteen, huh?
- That's not a size, it's a voting age. - Get out of my fucking house!
Ooh! What a pair of ladies we got here.
Little miss toilet mouth and orchid, the killer whale.
Let's just go, okay? I'm sorry, Angie.
What are you sorry for? Don't you apologize for me!
- Get your fuckin' hands off her! - I know the two of you are get up to!
Talk about what a fuckin' loser I am! How I can't find a fuckin' job!
Well, your kid's gonna be a bastard!
And who the hell do you think's gonna put up with you except a loser like me?
Dad, leave her alone.
I told you guys to stay in the car!
Okay, go, go, go.
- You fuckhead! - Yeah, tell it to your gynecologist.
Go to sleep.
I'll get you right now.
Noel! Noel!
Noel.
- Hi. - Hey, happy Christmas.
- Where ya been? - My plane was late. Where's Angie?
She's not ready. Come here. I'll get you a drink.
All right, everybody. If you could clear the dance floor please.
Thank you.
Tonight we have a very special visitor...
- Straight from the north pole. - Yeah.
Ho-ho-ho-ho-ho. Ho-ho-ho. Merry Christmas.
- Is that who I think it is? - Yes.
- Okay, Tony, give me a hand. - You goin' up there?
All right.
- Give me your hand. - Oh, oh, oh, oh.
I got a special one for you, baby.
Yeah!
Oh, Angie!
Whoo!
Angie. Oh, my god, Angie.
Oh, my god, it's the baby!
Yeah. Don't worry. I took care of it.
Keep breathing. Take it easy.
Hang in there.
You're gonna be all right. - Excuse me, she's having a baby. Where's maternity?
- Fifth. - Five. Fifth floor.
- Oh, I'm having another... - Gimme the chair.
- Come on. In your nose, out of your mouth. - You're okay.
- Thank you. Sit down. - Got a chair right behind you.
In your nose, out of your mouth. You gotta breathe.
In... good. Out... good, Angela.
- Here we go. Here we go. - In... out.
Tony, she's preregistered. Check her in, please.
- Name? - Angie scaci...
Uh, scacca... how do you pronounce Angie's last name?
- Where's Dr. Gould? - Maybe he's stuck in traffic.
I hope he gets here soon. Are you the coach? - I'm the coach.
Only the coach is allowed on the I.D.R. Out of the way. Orderly!
- Stay with me. Don't leave me! - I can't.
He's gonna be there when you get out. I'm right here.
- Breathe, Angie. - That's a girl.
You're doing great.
Hold on. I'm comin'.
- One, two, three. - Where am I goin'?
She's gonna be a mother.
- Uh, do you wanna give this to Angie for me? - Oh, sure.
- Breathe with me. - Oooh, I'm dying!
- You're not dying. Breathe. - I can't do it! I gotta go home!
- Yes, you can. You're not breathing. - Help me, somebody!
- Come on, breathe. - It's all right, Angie.
- Help me! - Look at me. Look at your friend.
That's a girl.
S-c-a-c-c...
I-a-p-e-n-s-i-e-r-i.
Scacciapensieri.
Sorry, we don't have a scaccia-whatever in the computer.
I have an Angie scotch-and-soda.
- Where? That's my patient. - Hello, doctor. She's in delivery.
Thanks. Are you the grandparents?
Don't worry.
We'll take good care of her.
Dr. Thorn, dial 1-8-2, please.
- How ya doin'? Where is she? - Good.
- Inside. - How's she doin'?
Is that her?
Five, six, seven, eight...
People, people, I'm gonna have to ask you again, please wait in the lobby.
We need these hallways clear.
- That hurts too much! - One more time. Don't waste it.
- I ca... - Push, push.
- No, I can't. It hurts! - Come on.
That's good.
Oh! That was a big one! Itwon't be long now.
- You're doin' great. - Yes, you can. You can.
Just change hands one second 'cause I can't quite... - I want my epidural!
Oh, I told you. It's too late for an epidural.
Tell him I still think it would be worth doing. - No.
- No! - Come on, Angie, push!
- Die! - Angie, focus.
I brought the focal point. I got the focal point.
Okay, right here, baby. Come on.
It's-it's all I had in...
Breathe, now. Breathe.
- Focus on this. - Get this the fuck outta here!
Angie, listen to me. There's something I like mothers to do during deliveries...
To help them concentrate on pushing and that's to sing.
What?
It's a medical fact that you can't panic while you're singing Marvin hamlisch.
One singular sensation.
Every little step she takes ba-ba-da-ba-ba-da-ba.
- But I can't. - One thrilling combination.
- What's happening to me? - Every move that she makes bum-buh-da-bah-da.
You don't know that song, we could do... Kiss today good-bye.
No, I know the song. I just don't feel like singing!
I think I know what's best.
Listen, shortstuff!
The day you try and pass a ten-pound bowling ball through the head of your dick...
I will sing the whole fucking score to phantom of the opera...
Okay, this is doctor's orders, Angie. Push!
One singular sensation.
Every fuckin' step she takes.
- Breathe in and push. - One thrilling combination.
Every fucking move she makes.
Warning, now, don't make me cranky. Please wait in the lobby.
- You're doing great. - The baby's crowning.
- Oh, it burns! - Don't push.
Don't push. Don't push. Breathe.
Oh, I gotta push.
- No, you don't. - I'm just suctioning out the fluids now.
- Come on, push. - Help me, help me!
- Angie, I can see it. - All right, come on now. One more push.
This is the last one. Here we go.
- Bear down. Bear down. Bear down. - Another push.
- Bear down. Bear down. There you go. - Come on.
It's a boy!
- It's a boy! - Oh, my god!
2:14.
Oh, my god, look at his balls! He's Italian, all right.
- He's Italian! You got a boy! - Thank you.
Call pediatrics.
What for? Oh, his arm.
What? What's wrong with his arm?
Doc?
There's a little problem, but before we get hysterical...
We're just gonna clean him up, call pediatrics and have them evaluate it.
- Can't I hold my baby? - Of course you can.
- As soon as he's ready. - The baby's stable, doctor.
- Tina? - Angie.
I'm-I'm just gonna tell everybody you got a boy.
- Vinnie. - Tina, what is it?
What's wrong?
Here's your beautiful baby.
There we go.
That's a boy.
Looks like a broken wing.
Like a tiny broken wing.
Oh, it must be bad. Aunt violetta ain't cracked a smile since 1967.
Always with a sense of humor. That's your great strength. - You look beautiful.
Oh, yeah. Right. Hey, pop.
- Hi, Angie. - She really looks good.
Aunt Louisa, how ya doin'?
Long time no see.
Oh, Louisa, come on.
Come on, come on.
- It's all right. Don't worry. - Don't take it seriously!
Aw, there he is.
The champ.
Okay, now.
There's only one visitor allowed during feeding time. - That's the grandfather.
- No, no. - I'll see you later.
We'll come back later. What's the big deal?
Where's Noel? - I don't know. I haven't seen him since last night.
- Okay. - I'll see ya later.
- All right. - Hey, Vinnie, stay.
I don't know, ange. - He ain't gonna do nothin' to me you ain't done yourself.
So, you're gonna try nursing.
You know, all the babies in the nursery are pulling for him.
I swear they're all a part of some secret society.
They all communicate with each other without words.
You don't say? They teach you that in nursing school?
- You hang around babies long enough, you pick up things. - What do you think, vin?
He's gonna be okay. He's a good-iookin' kid.
Yeah.
Hold the baby... like this so he can latch on.
Okay, come on. There you go.
- He ain't takin' it. - He's not in a good position.
Okay, here. There we go.
There we go.
He don't... he don't want it. He keeps turning away.
- Maybe he ain't hungry. - No, he don't want me.
- Be calm. - Come on.
This happens. This happens.
Babies are... very mysterious.
- He can go a long time without eating. - Just take it easy.
- He don't want me. - Okay.
- Oh, god. - What if I take him away for a while?
- I'll bring him back later, okay? - Yeah.
There you go, little fella.
Okay, you're just a little cranky.
You had a rough day.
Technically it's called...
A congenital longitudinal deficiency of the radius or "club hand."
Now what that means is... he's missing one of the two bones in his forearm.
- This one, right here. - Okay.
It's nothing you did.
It's not because you had a glass of wine in the second month.
It's just something that happens...
In one out of about every 300,000 births.
- It's also not genetic. - Thank god.
Now, he's gonna need some operations.
- How many? - As many as it takes to make it right.
Look, what I like to say is he's gonna do better than you expect...
And maybe not as good as you'd hoped.
What exactly are you saying? Will he be able to tie shoes? - Yes.
- Will he be able to throw a ball? - Yes. Maybe not a killer curve ball.
Long-sleeve shirts are gonna be a little tougher to buy. Now...
There are internal complications associated with this that we're gonna watch out for.
- Like what? - Heart problems.
- Lung problems. Kidneys. - Why?
Because what caused the defect in the arm could affect the major organs as they form.
Or, Angela, he could just sail right through.
The bottom line is... we think he's gonna be a regular kid.
Keep him covered. Come on, under the umbrella.
Come on, you're home now.
Yes, you come right in here. Oh, I gotta see him for a minute.
Let's go upstairs.
He's so sweet.
It looks nice.
Thank you both. - Kathy worked like a dog gettin' it ready.
Aw, don't exaggerate. I vacuumed. I made the bed.
Oh. It's beautiful. I appreciate it.
I guess you'd like to be alone a little bit. We'll see you later.
- I'll call you later. Okay? - Okay.
- Great. Okay. - Thank you.
I baptize you in the name of the father, and of the son...
And of the holy spirit.
God, the father of our lord, Jesus Christ...
Has freed you from sin and welcomed you...
Into his holy people.
He now anoints you with the prism of salvation.
May he keep the flame of faith alive in his heart.
And when the lord comes, may he go out to meet him with all the saints in the heavenly kingdom.
So you may live always as a member of his body...
Shanng evedasfinglfie.
Amen.
I'll be right back.
Aunt Louisa, could you give us some cake, please?
Would you like some cheese?
Mangia. Mangia.
Faster. Faster.
It was beautiful. Beautiful ceremony.
- He don't like me, simple as that. - Don't be crazy.
He's colicky, that's all. - It's been a week. When's he gonna breast-feed?
Put him down. You can't pick him up every time he cries. - Maybe Noel's bunny.
Here's your bunny, darling.
- Would you take him? - Sure.
Where ya goin'?
I have to go. I have to go out.
Think of a name for him while you're out. It's embarrassing.
- Hello? - Hi, Noel. It's Angie.
Hello, Angie. Come on up.
- Hey, you look great. - Today was the christening.
- I had a baby. Maybe you heard. - Yeah, it was on CNN.
- So, is he a he or is she a she? - He's a he.
Great. Well done.
Girls always wanna do stupid things like wear dresses and eat cottage cheese.
- So, does he look like you? - Yeah.
Panicked and exhausted.
So, why didn't you come and see me in the hospital?
I felt out of place.
You felt out of place?
Well, rise to the occasion, Noel.
Everything's different now.
I gotta know... If you're in this thing or not.
Okay? So, make a commitment, one way or the other.
All right. I'm not.
So, what is it you've been doing with me for the last seven months? Playing?
Yes. Weren't you?
I just realized at the hospital that I couldn't play at being a father to your kid.
So... lighten up.
Don't tell me to lighten up, asshole.
I have... I have shit goin' on in my life that you know nothin' about!
Of course you're the only one. No one else has commitments that scare the shit out of them.
You got commitments? What, are you married?
You're married?
Oh, you're married.
What kind of an idiot am I?
I forgot rule number one.
I'm separated... sort of.
Ooh, right.
So, everything this whole time has been a lie? - Come on.
How long did it take you to tell me about Vinnie?
Or about the baby for that matter?
If I lie... so do you.
The thing is, I always thought that was the best thing about us as a couple.
Huh.
It's funny how havin' a kid changes everything.
A week ago, this woulda really hurt.
Angie.
What?
How's the baby?
Oh. He's perfect.
All right, just a second. I'm gonna nurse you if it takes all night.
Jesus, Angie.
He-he just reached for me. I-I...
Oh, Jesus. Angie.
Angie!
No. I didn't call you so you could talk me out of it, Tina.
I called so you could... Help me with...
You have to explain it to everybody, okay? I-I-I-I have to get away.
I have to go away...
What if you don't find it? How long you gonna be gone? - I don't know.
- Long enough to sort things out. - You got your own kid to take care of.
I guess I'm just my mother's daughter. She ran and now I'm running.
You don't have to find your mother. You help yourself. - Shit. I gotta go.
Finding your mother isn't gonna help you now. - Bye.
All aboard!
Angie, some stories just have to tell themselves.
Coffee?
Yeah. You read my mind.
Um... ma'am, are you all right?
- Yeah. Why? - Well, uh...
- Where's the ladies room? - It's right around the corner.
Thank you.
Tina!
- Angela! That's her. Thank you. - Oh, my god!
- Ange! - Tina!
Baby.
- What the hell are you doin' here? - I eat lunch here.
What do you think I'm doin'? What happened to your hair? - I can't believe it.
It fell out.
- In a blunt cut, right? - I got lucky.
Hey.
Hey, findin' your mom's a big deal and I didn't want you doin' it alone, okay?
So, I'm going with ya, okay? Come on, I'm goin'.
I don't understand. How did you find me? - I'm a genius.
I called the bus company, found out the route and then took a train to beat you.
- And then after, you come back with me, right? - Where are the kids?
At my sister's. She's got sega. You know they love that stuff.
- What did Jerry say? - Ah, screw him.
He'll be happy to have me out of his hair for a while. Thanks.
Geez, it's like a friggin' morgue on wheels here.
Hey, Daisy Mae. How ya doin'?
- You sure this is it? - 4418, route 20, right?
- Well, welcome to Texas. - Thanks.
Come on! Give me a beer!
Dwarf tossing? That is weird.
- What can I get ya? - Um...
- I'm lookin' for Jean Colombo. - She ain't here.
I'm her niece, Angela. Actually, I'm lookin' for my mother, joanne scacciapensieri.
You know her? - Jean Colombo doesn't own this bar anymore. She sold it to me.
Do you know where she went?
- It's important I find her. - Way out west I think. I really couldn't help you.
- Where does her mail go? - Honey, she's been gone 12 years already.
The only thing she gets is a Christmas card. I throw those out.
- What are you gonna do, right? - Hmm.
Come on. We gotta get to town.
Come on.
Hey, I'm not goin' back.
- Not goin' home? - No.
What are you sayin', Angie? You're not goin' back?
Not for the baby? Not for nothin'?
No, it's better. Pop and Kathy can raise him.
I know you can be cold sometimes, but you got a baby now, Angela.
- You don't understand. - No, I understand.
I understand that if you don't go back, he's gonna have to be by himself with doctors.
That you are gonna put him through the same shit you went through your whole life?
He don't want me. I know that sounds crazy...
But it's like he knows everything is my fault.
That is pathetic. To throw your fucked-upness onto that poor little baby!
I don't deserve him.
You don't deserve him? You're his mother!
You are so selfish, Angela! You come over like this regular girl.
Meanwhile, you do whatever you wanna do and you don't care...
You shut your face! If you hate me so much, why are you my friend?
I've been asking that question. When I think how holier than thou you are about Jerry...
Oh, please!
I will tell you one thing. He would never ever leave his own flesh and blood.
I'm goin, okay! I am not gonna be part of this sickness! I'm goin' back home!
How is she?
Did she have a good day?
I didn't.
Aunt Jean. - What do you want, Angie? Why don't you go on home?
I know she's in there. I wanna see her.
You go on back to your life and let us get on with ours. - She's my mother.
- You don't wanna know about your mother! - The hell I don't!
- Get out of my way! Mama? - I promised your daddy.
- Angie, wait a minute. - Mama?
Mama.
Mama?
She's schizophrenic.
You can go to bed now, alba.
Okay. Good night, joanne.
Thank you.
She's on medication, but she don't really function.
Most of the time she just sits there.
I'm sorry.
Joanne.
Joanne. Honey, look who's here.
Look who's here all the way from New York City.
That's Angie, honey. That's your daughter.
Hi, mama.
You talk to her.
I'll leave you alone with her and you just talk to her.
- I don't know what to say. - Angie, honey, it's your mama.
You'll think of somethin'.
Hey, you want a light for that?
I never knew you smoked.
Isn't that funny?
Of course I don't know hardly nothin' about you.
Hey, I know what.
Here.
See? Remember?
Here.
That's how I looked the last time you saw me.
Remember?
I have thought about you for so long.
About this moment.
Oh, my god.
Oh, my god!
I always thought you left us for somethin' better.
And I was gonna do the same.
I had it so wrong.
Mamam
I left my baby.
Now I don't know what the hell I was thinkin'.
I love him, mama.
I love him so much... But is that enough?
Hello?
- Who's that? Aunt Vicky? - Angela!
- Put my pop on. - You just missed him.
Maybe if you wait, you could catch him at the hospital.
- Hospital? What are you talkin' about? - Where are you?
Do you know what an earthquake you caused here? - What hospital?
Oh, Jesus, Angie. Sean is really sick.
Who's Sean?
Excuse me? What floor are the sick babies? - Angie?
- Pop! Oh, my god. - What are you doin' here?
What happened to the baby? Is he all right? - He's alive!
- Thank god. Pop. - What the hell do you care?
A mother who runs out on her own sick child? There are no words...
Where is he? I have to see him.
You know what you did to my wife? That she might lose a baby a second time.
Frank! What are you sayin'?
She's his mother. We got no rights here. We got no right at all.
Now you come on, Angie. I'm gonna take you to him. - Thank you.
I saw her, pop. That's where I was, in Texas.
- You saw her? - Yeah.
Good.
Angie, you gotta understand about your father, how upset he is.
He can't even go into the nursery where the sick babies are. He hates himself for it.
What's wrong with my baby?
Pneumonia.
He couldn't breathe.
He's been unconscious the last two days.
I'm sorry, Kathy.
You're here now... And that's what matters.
We, uh... We started callin' him Sean.
We had to tell the nurses at registration something. - Yeah, I heard.
It's the name of the son I lost, but you could change it to anything.
- No, Sean's a good name. - Yeah?
- Where? - Here.
We gotta take off our coats and put 'em right here.
- Okay, it's back here. - Excuse me, only immediate family is allowed.
- I'm the mother, Angela scacciapensieri. - No, Kathy's the mother.
- It's a long story, but she's the mother. - I don't make the rules.
- I don't obey them either. - Carl!
What's the trouble? - I have to find my baby. Get out of my way!
- Listen... - Vinnie!
Keep your hands to yourself. You all right? - Yeah. Is that him?
Aren't you the guy from the plumber commercial? - Yeah.
- Did you know plumber was spelled wrong? - Yeah. Can we go in?
- Look, it's up to her. - Okay.
- But only one person at a time. - Go ahead, Angie. You go.
Angela, I'm glad you came.
Me too.
How's he doin'?
It's been a rough couple of days.
Sean's developed pneumonia which sometimes happens in his condition.
So now the machine is breathing for him.
We'll know in the next 24 hours...
- Whether he's gonna be okay. - How will we know?
He'll wake up.
Hail Mary, full of grace...
Pop.
Oh, Angie.
- How are you, honey? - I'm all right. How are you?
- Fine. Mm-hmm. - Okay?
You could've said somethin'. I could take it.
You loved her so much.
You thought she was perfect.
I just couldn't take that away from you.
I'm sorry, baby. I'm sorry.
It's okay, pop.
Hey, me and Sean have been alone for hours.
We're kinda runnin' out of conversation. We could use company.
Pop, I know it ain't easy.
Come on.
Come on, it's okay.
Okay, listen.
Sean, we gotta talk.
Now I know what you're thinkin'.
You're thinkin', why should I wake up?
She don't care about me. She left.
But I do care!
It's from the moment you were born, you knew I did everything for the wrong reasons.
Didn't ya?
Well now, you gotta give me another chance.
And I promise, I won't let nobody make fun of you...
Or hurt you or lie to you ever.
Just you wake up, okay?
Look, you think about it.
I ain't goin' nowhere. I swear.
You're awake. He's awake! Nurse!
Oh. Oh.
It's okay. He's breathing on his own.
He's just pulled his tube out.
His lungs sound clear.
He's gonna be okay.
It's funny. I see everything now like it's this long chain...
Stretching all the way back to the beginning of time...
On up through my grandmother and my mother. - Hi.
I'm finally part of something bigger than me.
Hey, tough guy.
How ya doin', huh?
Oh, the strong, silent type, huh?
Listen, Sean...
I wanna make a little deal with you.
All right?
Listen, you gotta eat somethin'.
So, why don't you think of me as a human fridge.
All right?
Then I'll do somethin' for you.
Anything you want.
Tickets to a raffi concert.
I could stick one of them little girl babies in your crib with you.
Everybody's got somethin, you know. Somethin' broken.
For Tina, it's her marriage. For Kathy, the baby she lost.
For pop, it's my mother.
And then some people it don't show on, but it's there.
The way I figure, these days...
The less broken have to take care of the more broken.
I learned that from my son.