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WWW.MY-SUBS.COM
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[RHYTHMIC THUMPING]
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- ["EVERYTHING'S GONNA BE ALRIGHT" PLAYS]
- ♪ Oh, yeah ♪
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- [MAN ON TV] Ooh. A woman, right? Huh!
- ♪ Ooh, yeah ♪
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[MAN ON TV] Fallen in love with somebody
who's got the vote this time.
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- [CANNED LAUGHTER]
- How old is she? 20?
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♪ Everything ♪
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- [SECOND MAN ON TV] No, she's about 30.
- ♪ Everything ♪
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♪ Everything gon' be all right ♪
♪ This morning ♪
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- [DOG YAPPING]
- [MAN SHOUTING ON TV]
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♪ Ooh, yeah ♪
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♪ Whoo! ♪
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Do you like my tits?
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♪ Yeah... ♪
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Hello? Tits!
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Yeah. I love your tits.
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Do you wanna come on them?
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Sure. Let me just get this off.
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Actually, don't. I got a rash last time.
Let's do it from behind.
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Okay.
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♪ Hey, child... ♪
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Mm!
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♪ Don't hurt me, don't hurt me, child ♪
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[MOANING]
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I'm gonna come. Are you gonna come?
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[WOMAN MOANS]
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[CRIES OUT]
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Mm!
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[GROANS]
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[SIGHS]
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- [SIGHS]
- Did you just fake it?
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Don't be stupid.
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- [SIGHS]
- [LATEX SNAPS]
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- Why are you staring?
- Show me the condom.
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No way.
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Where's the spunk, Adam?
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[SOFT GUITAR SONG PLAYS]
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♪ I've got secrets ♪
♪ I don't know if I can tell you ♪
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♪ I've got things to show ♪
♪ That no one's ever seen ♪
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♪ I've got habits that
are hard to break ♪
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- ♪ I swear each mornin', when I wake ♪
- [ALARM BEEPING]
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♪ Today's the day ♪
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♪ I'm comin' clean ♪
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♪ 'Cause I've got dreams that might not ♪
♪ Come to any kind of fruition ♪
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[SIGHS]
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♪ I've got cracks in my facade ♪
♪ I may fall between ♪
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♪ I've got pictures ♪
♪ In the dresser drawer ♪
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♪ I whisper to the bedroom door ♪
♪ Today's the day ♪
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♪ I'm comin' clean ♪
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♪ I'm comin' clean ♪
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- [DOOR OPENS]
- [YELPS]
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Whoa, there. [CHUCKLES]
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This is not the bathroom.
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Sorry, man. I'm very sorry. I'm, uh...
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- Uh...
- Sleeping with my mother?
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Correct. [CHUCKLES]
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Awkward. I'm Dan.
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- And you are...
- Otis.
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Ah...
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Don't worry. Left-handed.
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- First door on your left.
- [WHISPERS] Cheers, dude.
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[SIGHS]
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- Morning, darling.
- Morning.
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- Coffee?
- I've got some.
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Toast?
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Um... Maybe...
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Uh, I've got clients in a few minutes.
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Oh, Otis, this is, um...
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[BOTH] We've met.
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- Coffee?
- [DAN] Oh, yes, please.
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[SIGHS]
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How old are you, Dan?
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How old am I... Uh, I'm 32.
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You having some kind
of preemptive midlife crisis?
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- Otis...
- Mum, he rides a motorbike.
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I'll take you for a ride in it,
if you like?
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[OTIS CHUCKLES] No, thanks.
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Do you have an Oedipal complex?
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As in, you mean
do I wanna have sex with my mum?
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- Mm.
- Uh, not really.
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- It's not really my thing, that.
- Just ignore him. He's teasing you.
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Otis, it's perfectly normal
for a younger man
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to be sexually attracted
to a mature woman.
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In fact, when you stigmatize his choice,
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then you feed into an unhealthy narrative
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on masculinity in middle age.
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That's why I say you should
never date a shrink, huh? [CHUCKLES]
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Sex and relationship therapist,
thank you very much.
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[KNOCK AT DOOR]
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That's me.
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Yeah, I should probably, uh,
shoot off as well.
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- Thanks.
- Okay.
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- Mm-hm.
- [DAN] Um...
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Thanks for everything, Mum.
Uh, Jean. Jean. Definitely Jean.
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Okay.
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[SIGHS]
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- Hopefully see you again, then, dude.
- Yeah.
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Unlikely.
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Your mum's new boyfriend
is a big hot sticky wet dream.
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[OTIS] Yeah.
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Mum doesn't do boyfriends.
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Ah-ah! Are those the ones
that like to do it in animal costumes?
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[OTIS] No, he wants her to wear
a strap-on. She's not really into it.
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It's a classic power dynamic issue.
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Aww! I wish my mum was a sex guru.
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Trust me, you don't.
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["LOVE YOU SO BAD" PLAYING]
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Marjorie...
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how are you getting on with your penis?
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- I'm not hating it.
- [JEAN] Fantastic.
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Okay, let's proceed.
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[OTIS' FRIEND] So, did you do it?
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Don't tell me you choked again.
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Ha-ha!
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- You didn't even try.
- I've given up.
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It's too much. I don't...
I don't wanna talk about it.
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I mean, what exactly is the problem here?
I mean, can you even get a hard-on?
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Of course I can.
I'm not a fucking eunuch, all right?
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I just... I wait for them to go away.
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I don't like how it feels.
Can we drop it now, please?
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No offense, but that is super weird.
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Super weird.
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[LAUGHING]
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♪ Wah, wah, wah, wah-wah-wah ♪
♪ Wah, wah... ♪
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[LAUGHS SARCASTICALLY]
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[FRIEND CONTINUES LAUGHING]
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♪ Wah-wah-wah, wah, wah ♪
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♪ Wah, wah, wah, wah-wah-wah Wah, wah ♪
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♪ Wah, so bad ♪
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♪ Oh ♪
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♪ Wah, wah, wah ♪
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♪ Wah, wah, wah ♪
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[GASPS LOUDLY]
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Oh, my God, the Untouchables have a car.
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Just when you thought they
couldn't get any more elusive,
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now they have wheels!
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You reckon Anwar's been workin' out?
He's lookin' extra tight.
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[OTIS] Just because he's
the only other gay in our year,
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- it doesn't mean you have to fancy him.
- Yeah, correction.
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Only other gay we know of.
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Could be anywhere.
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What are you lookin' at, El Pervo?
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Did you hear that?
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He spoke to me! With actual words!
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He called you a Spanish pervert.
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Oh, this is gonna be such a good year!
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I can feel it!
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- Is that Tom Baker?
- Yup.
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Captain of the Warhammer Society.
His balls finally dropped.
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Yeah, I keep telling you, man,
everyone has had sex over the summer.
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- Everyone except you.
- And you.
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Excuse me,
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I gave two and a half hand jobs
to that guy I met in Butlin's.
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- Why the half?
- We got interrupted.
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Stupid surprise karaoke.
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Still, not exactly a player.
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Yeah, at least I can touch my own penis.
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I'm worried about you, man.
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Like, look around.
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Everybody's either thinking
about shagging,
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about to shag,
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or actually shagging,
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and you can't even jack your beanstalk.
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- I've got plenty of time.
- Mm, I don't know, man.
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Everything's changing round here,
and it's changing fast.
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Case in point, even Maeve Wiley's boobs
have gotten bigger,
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which I thought
was technically impossible.
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[OTIS] They look the same to me.
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I heard she bit Simon Furthassle
on the scrote,
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and now, it's all wonky.
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- Like a discount avocado.
- I don't think that's true.
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[OTIS' FRIEND] I heard she sucked off
12 guys in ten minutes for a dare.
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- [OTIS] That's definitely not true.
- What a slag.
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Look at that greasy hair.
Maybe she can't afford shampoo.
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- Or deodorant.
- [OTIS' FRIEND] Told you.
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She's basically a nympho.
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This is a new frontier,
my sexually repressed friend.
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Our chance to finally move up
the social food chain.
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We shall transform
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from lowly caterpillars into...
awesome killer whales.
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Do we have to?
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Prepare for the best two years
of our lives.
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[CHUCKLING]
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[PLAYING "JERUSALEM" OFF-KEY]
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I'm sorry.
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Thank you, Eric,
for that rendition of the school anthem.
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It was...
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adequate.
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So, just a few things to get us started.
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The toilet block behind the gymnasium
is full of asbestos, so, please,
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keep out.
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Running in the corridors
is the scourge...
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- Told you not to do it.
- I wanted to impress Swing Band.
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[HEADMASTER] ...the story of
James Cairney and the pencil.
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I have spoken to his mother.
He, uh, has recovered.
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However, the mental scars still remain.
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A lesson for us all.
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Calmly moving on.
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It is my great pleasure
to introduce to you
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our brand-new head boy...
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Jackson Marchetti.
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[CHEERING]
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[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYS]
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[OVERLAPPING CHEERS]
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Whoo!
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We are taking over.
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[CHEERING]
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00:10:38,085 --> 00:10:39,485
Hi, Adam.
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- Good summer?
- Shut the fuck up, Tromboner.
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Give me what you've got.
210
00:10:53,445 --> 00:10:55,525
- What's in the bag?
- My lunch.
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You know that, because you always eat it.
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- I think you forgot something.
- It's just a pencil case.
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00:11:09,325 --> 00:11:11,541
Don't give a fuck about your pencil case.
Curly Wurly.
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00:11:11,565 --> 00:11:13,885
Come on, man. Not my Curly Wurly.
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Give me that Curly Wurly...
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or I will break your face.
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Okay.
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Aah!
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Yeah, see you tomorrow.
220
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Shit biscuit.
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00:12:11,885 --> 00:12:14,141
- Are you a complete moron?
- [OTIS] No, I'm not.
222
00:12:14,165 --> 00:12:15,501
[MAEVE] That was a rhetorical question.
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00:12:15,525 --> 00:12:16,621
- Here.
- Don't touch my shit.
224
00:12:16,645 --> 00:12:17,941
- Just trying to help.
- Don't.
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00:12:17,965 --> 00:12:20,181
Guys! You're not supposed to run
in the hallway.
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00:12:20,205 --> 00:12:22,525
It was my fault. Fuck off, snowflake.
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Nice rack, Wiley.
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[LAUGHTER]
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Are you going to write me up?
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I'll let you off. This time.
231
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I'm eternally grateful for your kindness.
232
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Actually, on second thought...
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Head Boys notoriously peak too early.
I'd watch out, if I were you.
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Oh, yeah?
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[ADAM] I said, nice rack, Wiley.
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[LAUGHTER]
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- Say that again.
- Nice... ra...
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- [GRUNTS]
- [GROANS]
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You did kind of deserve that, man.
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Settle down, class.
241
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Settle down. Thank you.
242
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[CLAPS HANDS] Ahh!
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We're jumping straight in to
the romantic world of the immortal Bard.
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Shakespeare, obviously.
245
00:13:21,325 --> 00:13:24,301
This year's first assignment
will be on As You Like It.
246
00:13:24,325 --> 00:13:27,301
Set in the fictional forest of Arden.
247
00:13:27,325 --> 00:13:30,125
Uh, nice of you to join us, Adam.
248
00:13:30,525 --> 00:13:32,261
Uh, you'll be doing presentations
249
00:13:32,285 --> 00:13:35,421
on Shakespeare's relationship
with love and disguise.
250
00:13:35,445 --> 00:13:39,461
The person you are sat next to now
will be your partner for the project.
251
00:13:39,485 --> 00:13:41,421
So if you just look at your sheets,
252
00:13:41,445 --> 00:13:43,341
you're gonna go through
all the five points.
253
00:13:43,365 --> 00:13:45,101
I want you to talk in pairs.
254
00:13:45,125 --> 00:13:48,581
Please listen, right? Listening is key.
255
00:13:48,605 --> 00:13:50,901
So, um, the assignment brief, um...
256
00:13:50,925 --> 00:13:55,261
Examine the ways that Rosalind,
uh, tests Orlando's love for her
257
00:13:55,285 --> 00:13:57,141
- in act four...
- And who are you?
258
00:13:57,165 --> 00:14:01,381
- Um... I'm Otis. Yeah.
- Act four, scene one. The impression...
259
00:14:01,405 --> 00:14:04,061
- I guess we're partners for the project.
- Are you new?
260
00:14:04,085 --> 00:14:06,525
No. No, no, no.
I've been here since first year.
261
00:14:06,885 --> 00:14:08,741
- We had chemistry together...
- Explore the ways
262
00:14:08,765 --> 00:14:10,901
- Shakespeare uses witty wordplay...
- ...last term.
263
00:14:10,925 --> 00:14:13,821
- You set my desk on fire.
- ...sport and wrestling analogies...
264
00:14:13,845 --> 00:14:15,861
- Anyway.
- ...to reveal his characters' views
265
00:14:15,885 --> 00:14:19,701
- on the subject of love.
- Maybe later on we can get together.
266
00:14:19,725 --> 00:14:21,725
- I know the library's open...
- [CHUCKLES]
267
00:14:22,405 --> 00:14:24,101
I don't do after hours, new kid.
268
00:14:24,125 --> 00:14:26,421
- Uh, discuss the concepts of fortune...
- Where do you live?
269
00:14:26,445 --> 00:14:30,221
...and nature as they apply to Orlando
and, um, and Oliver.
270
00:14:30,245 --> 00:14:31,404
43 Ashford Street.
271
00:14:31,429 --> 00:14:32,781
Compare and contrast the relationship...
272
00:14:32,805 --> 00:14:33,901
I'll be there at 6:00.
273
00:14:33,925 --> 00:14:35,301
...Orlando with Rosalind and Celia.
274
00:14:35,325 --> 00:14:39,141
Um... If you have any questions,
please, uh, do ask.
275
00:14:39,165 --> 00:14:42,181
But what I'd like you to do is,
really, first, just mind map.
276
00:14:42,205 --> 00:14:43,805
Mind map together...
277
00:14:44,365 --> 00:14:45,501
- Um...
- Boring.
278
00:14:45,525 --> 00:14:47,765
What? Excuse me, this is boring?
279
00:14:48,205 --> 00:14:49,485
- Okay, um...
- [BELL RINGS]
280
00:14:57,085 --> 00:14:58,605
[ERIC] You told Adam where you live?
281
00:14:59,045 --> 00:15:00,085
- He asked me.
- [GROANS]
282
00:15:00,525 --> 00:15:03,525
Dude, your mum has a lot
of weird sex shit in the house.
283
00:15:03,965 --> 00:15:05,341
I'm cool with it, obviously,
284
00:15:05,365 --> 00:15:10,101
but if that guy even sees a Kama Sutra,
he will destroy your life.
285
00:15:10,125 --> 00:15:12,325
- She won't be home.
- Oh. She better not be.
286
00:15:13,485 --> 00:15:16,045
He still calls me Tromboner.
It's been four years.
287
00:15:16,325 --> 00:15:17,485
Four years.
288
00:15:17,885 --> 00:15:21,621
You did get an erection on the stage,
in front of the entire school.
289
00:15:21,645 --> 00:15:23,005
It was a semi!
290
00:15:26,085 --> 00:15:27,965
The nickname doesn't even make sense.
291
00:15:28,645 --> 00:15:29,845
I play the French horn.
292
00:15:30,405 --> 00:15:31,821
Such a philistine.
293
00:15:31,845 --> 00:15:34,885
[OTIS] Look, he'll be in my house
for an hour, tops. It will be fine.
294
00:15:35,965 --> 00:15:38,845
Do you reckon his brain is so small
'cause his dick is so big?
295
00:15:39,485 --> 00:15:41,205
- That's a myth.
- Well, it's not.
296
00:15:41,525 --> 00:15:43,221
A friend of a friend saw it once.
297
00:15:43,245 --> 00:15:44,745
She said it was the
size of two Coke cans.
298
00:15:44,770 --> 00:15:46,038
One on top of the other.
299
00:15:46,062 --> 00:15:47,725
Length and width.
300
00:15:48,085 --> 00:15:50,885
- You don't have any friends. Except me.
- Not for long.
301
00:15:51,285 --> 00:15:54,005
Because Adam is going to kill you
in your own home.
302
00:15:55,445 --> 00:15:56,941
[ERIC LAUGHS]
303
00:15:56,965 --> 00:15:58,325
[GRUNTING]
304
00:16:01,445 --> 00:16:04,501
[GIRL] Do you really think this place
has asbestos in it?
305
00:16:04,525 --> 00:16:07,421
[MAEVE] I don't know.
There's worse ways to go, I suppose.
306
00:16:07,445 --> 00:16:10,925
God, yeah. My auntie got eaten by wasps.
307
00:16:11,205 --> 00:16:13,861
What? Was she stung to death? [CHUCKLES]
308
00:16:13,885 --> 00:16:15,021
No.
309
00:16:15,045 --> 00:16:16,165
She was eaten.
310
00:16:18,485 --> 00:16:19,461
[GASPS]
311
00:16:19,485 --> 00:16:21,981
Scabby Queen. I win! I win!
312
00:16:22,005 --> 00:16:24,405
No, you don't.
You have to get rid of the queen.
313
00:16:25,005 --> 00:16:27,741
- You lost, sorry.
- I still don't get this game.
314
00:16:27,765 --> 00:16:28,765
Hand them over.
315
00:16:30,325 --> 00:16:31,525
Thank you.
316
00:16:39,845 --> 00:16:42,845
- [MAEVE] How's it going with Knobzilla?
- He can't come.
317
00:16:44,165 --> 00:16:47,141
So, the other night,
we're, like, goin' and goin'.
318
00:16:47,165 --> 00:16:49,078
[AMERICAN ACCENT] And I'm losin' my shit.
319
00:16:49,103 --> 00:16:50,300
[SPEAKS NORMALLY] And I, you know...
320
00:16:50,324 --> 00:16:51,981
- Reached the summit.
- Yeah.
321
00:16:52,005 --> 00:16:54,181
But he, like...
322
00:16:54,205 --> 00:16:56,525
- Slipped and dropped the yogurt?
- No, I wish.
323
00:16:56,925 --> 00:16:57,925
He faked it.
324
00:16:58,365 --> 00:16:59,365
You sure?
325
00:17:01,445 --> 00:17:03,085
I don't know what I'm doin' wrong.
326
00:17:03,965 --> 00:17:05,541
[MAEVE] Maybe he was nervous
or something.
327
00:17:05,565 --> 00:17:07,821
Ruby and Olivia think I should dump him.
328
00:17:07,845 --> 00:17:10,325
They say he's bringin' down
my social status, but...
329
00:17:11,125 --> 00:17:14,165
The thing is, he can be really sweet
when nobody's watchin'.
330
00:17:14,925 --> 00:17:17,141
[MAEVE] Don't know why you listen
to those dickheads.
331
00:17:17,165 --> 00:17:18,685
If you like him, do what you want.
332
00:17:19,765 --> 00:17:20,845
[GIRL] Tits.
333
00:17:21,125 --> 00:17:22,365
They're looking for me.
334
00:17:23,925 --> 00:17:25,661
- Thanks for the game.
- No worries.
335
00:17:25,685 --> 00:17:26,725
And the chat.
336
00:17:29,285 --> 00:17:31,485
- Oh, and...
- Don't worry, you were never here.
337
00:17:32,045 --> 00:17:33,885
- Ta-ra, lad.
- See you later, pet.
338
00:17:38,925 --> 00:17:39,925
[GIRL] Hiya!
339
00:17:41,165 --> 00:17:43,005
- Where have you been?
- Nowhere.
340
00:17:43,485 --> 00:17:44,501
Biology went over.
341
00:17:44,525 --> 00:17:47,125
We thought you were doin' it
with your whale dick boyfriend.
342
00:17:47,925 --> 00:17:49,645
You know he's a delinquent, right?
343
00:17:52,045 --> 00:17:54,981
Yuck. Is that ham?
We're vegan now, remember?
344
00:17:55,005 --> 00:17:56,461
- Oh, right, yeah, I forgot.
- [SNIFFS]
345
00:17:56,485 --> 00:17:57,685
Have you been smokin' again?
346
00:17:58,005 --> 00:17:59,461
- No, I haven't.
- Good.
347
00:17:59,485 --> 00:18:01,445
Because smoking is definitely not vegan.
348
00:18:04,725 --> 00:18:05,845
My ham.
349
00:18:12,845 --> 00:18:13,845
Have you got the money?
350
00:18:14,965 --> 00:18:16,245
You taking the piss?
351
00:18:17,285 --> 00:18:18,445
[BOY] Take it or leave it.
352
00:18:19,085 --> 00:18:20,125
[TUTS]
353
00:18:27,045 --> 00:18:29,685
- Tell anyone and I'll maim you.
- This better be an A.
354
00:19:02,165 --> 00:19:04,645
[SIGHS]
355
00:19:06,445 --> 00:19:07,565
[KNOCK AT DOOR]
356
00:19:11,045 --> 00:19:13,605
- You're on time.
- How long is this gonna take, new kid?
357
00:19:13,885 --> 00:19:15,061
Well, um...
358
00:19:15,085 --> 00:19:16,245
I'm already bored.
359
00:19:19,685 --> 00:19:21,005
Have you got any Nesquik?
360
00:19:22,165 --> 00:19:23,845
On... Only Mana.
361
00:19:34,205 --> 00:19:35,445
Do you wanna get monged?
362
00:19:35,845 --> 00:19:36,845
Um...
363
00:19:37,405 --> 00:19:38,845
No, thank you.
364
00:19:47,405 --> 00:19:50,541
- Why is there a minge on your wall?
- What? Where? That's...
365
00:19:50,565 --> 00:19:51,501
Uh... [CLEARS THROAT]
366
00:19:51,525 --> 00:19:53,181
That's just an orchid. [CHUCKLES]
367
00:19:53,205 --> 00:19:54,805
It's... My mum's super into...
368
00:19:55,125 --> 00:19:56,501
flora and fauna.
369
00:19:56,525 --> 00:19:57,861
- [SIGHS]
- [LIGHTER SPARKS]
370
00:19:57,885 --> 00:19:59,141
Ooh, uh...
371
00:19:59,165 --> 00:20:00,725
Maybe not inside, sorry.
372
00:20:02,805 --> 00:20:05,861
I mean, Adam, we've only been working
for half an hour, so...
373
00:20:05,885 --> 00:20:06,861
Yeah.
374
00:20:06,885 --> 00:20:08,365
You should keep goin'.
375
00:20:08,805 --> 00:20:10,445
[SIGHS]
376
00:20:12,165 --> 00:20:14,141
[WOMAN] That's it,
just rolling the testicle...
377
00:20:14,165 --> 00:20:16,981
- There's a ball bag on the TV.
- Good.
378
00:20:17,005 --> 00:20:18,885
Sorry. Sorry, I, uh...
379
00:20:19,125 --> 00:20:21,645
I forgot to take my... my DVD out.
It's my...
380
00:20:22,245 --> 00:20:24,325
- It's my porn.
- A bit old school.
381
00:20:25,885 --> 00:20:28,565
You should get on Pornhub.
There's loads of stuff on there.
382
00:20:28,845 --> 00:20:31,005
You could watch a CGI demon fuck a horse.
383
00:20:32,405 --> 00:20:34,085
- Hm.
- I need to piss.
384
00:20:35,205 --> 00:20:36,925
Upstairs, on your right.
385
00:20:42,485 --> 00:20:44,205
[URINATING]
386
00:20:53,565 --> 00:20:55,085
[ZIPS]
387
00:22:05,325 --> 00:22:06,805
[ADAM] New kid!
388
00:22:09,325 --> 00:22:10,485
Adam?
389
00:22:11,605 --> 00:22:12,605
Get in here!
390
00:22:13,045 --> 00:22:13,981
Oh!
391
00:22:14,005 --> 00:22:15,005
Adam!
392
00:22:15,805 --> 00:22:17,005
Oh... [SPLUTTERS]
393
00:22:19,245 --> 00:22:20,741
- You've got a sex dungeon.
- No.
394
00:22:20,765 --> 00:22:22,325
No, this is not. I...
395
00:22:22,765 --> 00:22:26,061
I can explain. This is my mum's office
and she's a therapist.
396
00:22:26,085 --> 00:22:27,845
- Sex therapist.
- I don't know what that is.
397
00:22:28,125 --> 00:22:30,285
She helps people with sex problems.
398
00:22:30,725 --> 00:22:32,125
- She's a prostitute.
- No.
399
00:22:32,445 --> 00:22:35,325
- Like a pimp.
- No, no, she's like a... a shrink.
400
00:22:35,605 --> 00:22:39,061
But instead of talking about mental
health stuff, she talks about sex.
401
00:22:39,085 --> 00:22:40,085
People's sex lives.
402
00:22:40,925 --> 00:22:42,845
She... She helps people bone better.
403
00:22:43,605 --> 00:22:45,005
Yes, in essence.
404
00:22:47,045 --> 00:22:48,285
Look, um...
405
00:22:50,165 --> 00:22:52,301
Could you not tell anyone
about this, please?
406
00:22:52,325 --> 00:22:54,661
- [DOOR CLOSES]
- [JEAN] Otis, darling?
407
00:22:54,685 --> 00:22:56,085
- I'm home!
- [GASPS]
408
00:22:58,005 --> 00:23:00,085
[BIRDSONG]
409
00:23:06,045 --> 00:23:07,485
[CHUCKLES]
410
00:23:08,445 --> 00:23:10,125
Mm! Mmm...
411
00:23:10,845 --> 00:23:12,781
[INHALING]
412
00:23:12,805 --> 00:23:14,165
[EXHALING]
413
00:23:14,525 --> 00:23:16,925
God, that's strong stuff.
414
00:23:18,125 --> 00:23:21,205
It is chronic shit.
415
00:23:21,725 --> 00:23:23,925
- [JEAN] I'm already hungry.
- [ADAM CHUCKLES]
416
00:23:24,725 --> 00:23:27,445
It's snack time. [GIGGLES]
417
00:23:35,845 --> 00:23:36,845
Your mum's cool.
418
00:23:37,205 --> 00:23:38,285
Why aren't you cool?
419
00:23:39,685 --> 00:23:41,605
And she's hot.
Why didn't you say she was hot?
420
00:23:42,165 --> 00:23:43,981
Because she's my mum.
421
00:23:44,005 --> 00:23:47,021
- I mean, seriously, are you adopted?
- No.
422
00:23:47,045 --> 00:23:48,901
- Then why are you so shit?
- [JEAN] Adam.
423
00:23:48,925 --> 00:23:49,925
Yeah?
424
00:23:51,205 --> 00:23:52,765
[JEAN] Do you smoke every day?
425
00:23:53,525 --> 00:23:56,341
Yeah. Yeah, most days, Mrs., um...
426
00:23:56,365 --> 00:23:57,685
Oh, just call me Jean.
427
00:23:58,325 --> 00:24:01,085
You know, they've been doing
some interesting studies with cannabis.
428
00:24:01,485 --> 00:24:03,941
They're just starting to wake up
to its health benefits.
429
00:24:03,965 --> 00:24:05,645
Yeah? Like, um...
430
00:24:06,525 --> 00:24:08,405
How it makes everything funny?
431
00:24:08,645 --> 00:24:10,741
- You know, like your face.
- Hm?
432
00:24:10,765 --> 00:24:12,005
Ever so serious,
433
00:24:12,685 --> 00:24:14,125
like a... atlas.
434
00:24:14,725 --> 00:24:16,405
[BOTH GIGGLE]
435
00:24:21,845 --> 00:24:26,685
However, it has been linked
to early onset impotence.
436
00:24:27,565 --> 00:24:29,005
Nothing conclusive yet.
437
00:24:30,285 --> 00:24:32,181
But be careful with how much you smoke.
438
00:24:32,205 --> 00:24:33,205
Mum...
439
00:24:33,605 --> 00:24:37,341
I only bring it up
because I have a number of clients
440
00:24:37,365 --> 00:24:40,125
who were heavy drug users at your age,
441
00:24:40,645 --> 00:24:43,085
and now they have trouble
with sexual performance.
442
00:24:43,765 --> 00:24:46,565
- Sexual performance?
- They have trouble finishing.
443
00:24:48,965 --> 00:24:50,605
- Ejaculation.
- Hm.
444
00:24:50,845 --> 00:24:52,365
Jizz, spunk.
445
00:24:53,245 --> 00:24:54,141
Man milk!
446
00:24:54,165 --> 00:24:56,421
- Mum, Jesus Christ!
- Don't have a problem with that.
447
00:24:56,445 --> 00:24:59,045
What makes you think
I've got a problem with that?
448
00:24:59,485 --> 00:25:01,565
I didn't say you had a problem with that.
449
00:25:03,965 --> 00:25:07,061
- But if you want to talk about it...
- I... Uh, okay, I'm gonna go.
450
00:25:07,085 --> 00:25:08,085
I'm gonna go.
451
00:25:09,805 --> 00:25:11,325
[JEAN] Okay, Adam!
452
00:25:12,085 --> 00:25:14,005
- Nice to meet you!
- Mum!
453
00:25:14,725 --> 00:25:16,205
Come and hang out again.
454
00:25:16,965 --> 00:25:19,821
Adam! Adam, wait. Wait.
455
00:25:19,845 --> 00:25:22,565
You and your mum are freaks.
456
00:25:31,165 --> 00:25:33,165
I hope I didn't touch a nerve.
457
00:25:33,565 --> 00:25:35,965
Your friend is very sensitive.
458
00:25:36,205 --> 00:25:37,901
Ooh, my mouth is immensely dry.
459
00:25:37,925 --> 00:25:40,101
Mum, how many times have I said
460
00:25:40,125 --> 00:25:42,901
you can't go around
therapizing people you don't know?
461
00:25:42,925 --> 00:25:45,461
Your generation is so touchy.
462
00:25:45,485 --> 00:25:48,661
- Information is empowering.
- No, it's fucked up!
463
00:25:48,685 --> 00:25:51,621
Okay, calm down, take a breath.
464
00:25:51,645 --> 00:25:54,381
Let's... [EXHALES SLOWLY]
465
00:25:54,405 --> 00:25:56,485
Let the negative energy dissipate.
466
00:25:59,805 --> 00:26:01,645
Okay. [EXHALES SLOWLY]
467
00:26:05,045 --> 00:26:07,045
- [EXHALES]
- Two...
468
00:26:10,685 --> 00:26:11,805
Sorry I yelled.
469
00:26:12,485 --> 00:26:16,365
And I'm sorry... if I upset your friend.
470
00:26:20,445 --> 00:26:21,445
Come on.
471
00:26:25,445 --> 00:26:26,645
[SIGHS]
472
00:26:27,325 --> 00:26:29,365
[SIGHS]
473
00:26:30,605 --> 00:26:31,685
Sweetheart...
474
00:26:35,605 --> 00:26:38,181
I've noticed
you're pretending to masturbate
475
00:26:38,205 --> 00:26:40,845
and I was wondering
if you wanted to talk about it.
476
00:26:42,405 --> 00:26:44,301
It was the hand cream that gave it away.
477
00:26:44,325 --> 00:26:47,645
And, well,
the magazine was a bit overkill.
478
00:26:48,285 --> 00:26:52,621
Anyway, I want you to know that
you can talk to me about anything.
479
00:26:52,645 --> 00:26:53,845
No judgment.
480
00:26:54,205 --> 00:26:55,821
This is a safe place.
481
00:26:55,845 --> 00:26:57,461
This is not a safe place, Mum.
482
00:26:57,485 --> 00:27:00,805
You... need to stop analyzing
everything I do.
483
00:27:02,165 --> 00:27:05,941
I will when you stop creating
performative situations
484
00:27:05,965 --> 00:27:07,781
that you clearly want me to observe.
485
00:27:07,805 --> 00:27:09,765
[GROANS] Okay.
486
00:27:10,925 --> 00:27:15,141
I'm going to my room, because I'm angry
and I need some space.
487
00:27:15,165 --> 00:27:17,141
- Okay.
- [STOMPING]
488
00:27:17,165 --> 00:27:19,165
We'll talk about it when you're ready.
489
00:27:19,685 --> 00:27:20,685
[DOOR SLAMS]
490
00:27:22,405 --> 00:27:26,125
- [ROCK MUSIC PLAYS]
- [JEAN] Darling! It's too loud!
491
00:27:26,525 --> 00:27:27,525
[TURNS VOLUME UP]
492
00:27:28,085 --> 00:27:29,085
[PHONE ALERT]
493
00:27:30,205 --> 00:27:31,205
[JEAN] Otis!
494
00:27:32,645 --> 00:27:34,125
Turn it down!
495
00:27:34,685 --> 00:27:38,205
♪ I wasn't born in '77 ♪
496
00:27:40,005 --> 00:27:41,501
[SOUL MUSIC PLAYING]
497
00:27:41,525 --> 00:27:45,181
♪ When we was together ♪
498
00:27:45,205 --> 00:27:46,885
[PHONE ALERT]
499
00:27:47,405 --> 00:27:49,781
♪ Everything was so grand ♪
500
00:27:49,805 --> 00:27:51,285
[SCOFFS]
501
00:27:53,605 --> 00:27:56,021
- [MAN] Eric, come help your mother.
- ♪ Now that we've parted ♪
502
00:27:56,045 --> 00:27:57,581
Down in a minute!
503
00:27:57,605 --> 00:27:59,245
♪ Just one sound ♪
504
00:27:59,885 --> 00:28:02,781
♪ That I just can't stand ♪
505
00:28:02,805 --> 00:28:05,781
- ♪ I can't stand the rain ♪
- [MOANING]
506
00:28:05,805 --> 00:28:07,821
♪ Against my window ♪
507
00:28:07,845 --> 00:28:08,845
♪ Oh ♪
508
00:28:11,005 --> 00:28:13,101
♪ Bringin' back sweet memories ♪
509
00:28:13,125 --> 00:28:14,501
[LAUGHTER]
510
00:28:14,525 --> 00:28:16,925
- ♪ I can't stand the rain ♪
- [JACKSON] Oh-ho-ho!
511
00:28:18,125 --> 00:28:20,125
♪ Against my window ♪
512
00:28:23,045 --> 00:28:25,125
♪ 'Cause he's not here with me ♪
513
00:28:26,725 --> 00:28:28,725
♪ Hey, rain ♪
514
00:28:29,605 --> 00:28:31,925
♪ Get off my window ♪
515
00:28:33,045 --> 00:28:34,365
Did you... you know?
516
00:28:35,085 --> 00:28:36,845
Yeah. I'd tell you if I didn't.
517
00:28:39,085 --> 00:28:41,261
- Do you want me to drive you home?
- Nope.
518
00:28:41,285 --> 00:28:42,221
Where do you live?
519
00:28:42,245 --> 00:28:44,701
- Honestly, I'm fine.
- Come on, let me drive you home.
520
00:28:44,725 --> 00:28:46,261
We're just fucking, Jackson.
521
00:28:46,285 --> 00:28:48,245
We don't need to know
each other's postcodes.
522
00:28:48,525 --> 00:28:49,605
See you at school.
523
00:28:51,245 --> 00:28:52,645
[DOG BARKING]
524
00:28:56,805 --> 00:28:57,925
[SIGHS]
525
00:29:07,525 --> 00:29:09,245
- [BARKS]
- [GASPS] Shh!
526
00:29:10,685 --> 00:29:11,685
Adam?
527
00:29:19,205 --> 00:29:20,741
[ADAM SIGHS]
528
00:29:20,765 --> 00:29:22,445
You're five minutes past curfew.
529
00:29:23,285 --> 00:29:24,445
[ADAM] Sorry, Dad.
530
00:29:25,325 --> 00:29:27,765
- Lost track of time.
- Don't let it happen again.
531
00:29:29,445 --> 00:29:30,925
You know the rules.
532
00:29:39,645 --> 00:29:41,485
You can have it back in the morning.
533
00:29:50,165 --> 00:29:51,765
- [GIRL] Hello, lover.
- Ooh! Fuck.
534
00:29:52,365 --> 00:29:54,445
How did you get in? You've gotta go.
535
00:29:56,565 --> 00:29:57,845
[UNDOES BELT]
536
00:29:58,605 --> 00:30:00,365
[GRUNTS] Your hand's a bit dry.
537
00:30:12,445 --> 00:30:14,285
Can you not even get hard now?
538
00:30:15,285 --> 00:30:16,781
- Am I that bad?
- Yes.
539
00:30:16,805 --> 00:30:19,925
No! No, I meant no. I got confused.
540
00:30:20,565 --> 00:30:22,005
I don't know why I bother.
541
00:30:25,245 --> 00:30:26,725
Well... Leave out the window.
542
00:30:28,525 --> 00:30:29,525
[DOOR SLAMS]
543
00:30:30,525 --> 00:30:31,685
Good night, Mrs. Groff.
544
00:30:32,325 --> 00:30:33,805
Good night, Headmaster Groff.
545
00:30:34,245 --> 00:30:36,221
- What is wrong with you?
- [DOOR SLAMS]
546
00:30:36,245 --> 00:30:37,925
[MR. GROFF] Adam, get down here now!
547
00:30:46,725 --> 00:30:49,821
Your mum talked to Adam
about ejaculation?
548
00:30:49,845 --> 00:30:51,821
- She used the words "man milk."
- Oh, my...
549
00:30:51,845 --> 00:30:54,181
- It's worse than I thought.
- [SIGHS]
550
00:30:54,205 --> 00:30:56,581
No, I mean... I mean... It's fine.
551
00:30:56,605 --> 00:30:58,725
He was baked,
he's probably forgotten all about it.
552
00:30:59,125 --> 00:31:00,261
Shit.
553
00:31:00,285 --> 00:31:02,085
Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit...
554
00:31:02,605 --> 00:31:03,605
Don't look.
555
00:31:07,005 --> 00:31:08,541
Watch where you're going, fag.
556
00:31:08,565 --> 00:31:11,285
Hey, Adam, you know homophobia
is so 2008, right?
557
00:31:11,725 --> 00:31:12,805
Totes passé.
558
00:31:19,965 --> 00:31:20,965
Thanks, Anwar.
559
00:31:21,365 --> 00:31:22,605
- Not your friends.
- Okay.
560
00:31:24,805 --> 00:31:27,005
See? I told you he'd forget.
561
00:31:27,445 --> 00:31:28,445
Yeah...
562
00:32:00,125 --> 00:32:02,725
[ERIC LAUGHING]
563
00:32:05,845 --> 00:32:07,301
- Yeah!
- [LAUGHING]
564
00:32:07,325 --> 00:32:08,341
[OTIS] I'm only saying.
565
00:32:08,365 --> 00:32:11,685
[ERIC AND ADAM CONTINUE
SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]
566
00:32:29,925 --> 00:32:31,005
Great, it's you.
567
00:32:31,565 --> 00:32:33,605
I get it. You're mean.
568
00:32:34,645 --> 00:32:35,765
[TEACHER] Okay, so...
569
00:32:36,485 --> 00:32:38,141
what was gonna be biology
570
00:32:38,165 --> 00:32:43,021
is now an emergency SRE class.
571
00:32:43,045 --> 00:32:45,501
Apparently, there's been an outbreak
of pubic lice.
572
00:32:45,525 --> 00:32:46,421
[LAUGHTER]
573
00:32:46,445 --> 00:32:48,365
Mr. Groff felt you needed a refresher.
574
00:32:48,685 --> 00:32:50,325
Lucky me, huh?
575
00:32:50,605 --> 00:32:53,421
I'm joking. This is actually gonna be
incredibly awkward.
576
00:32:53,445 --> 00:32:55,261
You'll be working in pairs.
577
00:32:55,285 --> 00:32:56,901
You'll need worksheets,
578
00:32:56,925 --> 00:32:58,301
two prophylactics,
579
00:32:58,325 --> 00:33:00,141
and a plastic cock and balls.
580
00:33:00,165 --> 00:33:01,165
[LAUGHTER]
581
00:33:14,405 --> 00:33:15,405
Um...
582
00:33:22,925 --> 00:33:24,725
Jesus Christ!
583
00:33:26,965 --> 00:33:27,965
What's next?
584
00:33:34,445 --> 00:33:36,845
Uh... That's not the hymen.
585
00:33:37,485 --> 00:33:39,421
I think I know where the hymen is,
but thanks.
586
00:33:39,445 --> 00:33:42,485
Okay, well, I mean, you're...
quite wrong.
587
00:33:43,645 --> 00:33:44,645
What is it, then?
588
00:33:46,605 --> 00:33:49,885
They are the paraurethral glands.
589
00:33:50,805 --> 00:33:52,645
The female prostate.
590
00:33:53,885 --> 00:33:54,885
Where's the hymen, then?
591
00:33:58,805 --> 00:33:59,805
Hymen.
592
00:34:01,005 --> 00:34:02,021
- Hm.
- [LATEX SNAPS]
593
00:34:02,045 --> 00:34:03,485
- [SCREAMS]
- [LAUGHTER]
594
00:34:08,125 --> 00:34:09,365
- See me after.
- [PHONE BUZZES]
595
00:34:10,165 --> 00:34:12,901
[PHONES BUZZING AND CHIMING]
596
00:34:12,925 --> 00:34:15,821
- Okay, yeah... Phones away, please!
- [STUDENTS LAUGHING]
597
00:34:15,845 --> 00:34:16,885
Phones away!
598
00:34:17,765 --> 00:34:18,765
People!
599
00:34:19,445 --> 00:34:20,445
What is it?
600
00:34:21,165 --> 00:34:22,165
Nothing.
601
00:34:22,725 --> 00:34:25,045
The head of the penis
is incredibly sensitive.
602
00:34:25,405 --> 00:34:28,861
Feel free to stimulate it
with your fingers in a circular motion.
603
00:34:28,885 --> 00:34:32,325
As he gets closer to orgasm,
you can speed up.
604
00:34:32,605 --> 00:34:36,845
You'll feel him throbbing in your hand
like a volcano about to erupt.
605
00:34:37,245 --> 00:34:38,621
Look at that!
606
00:34:38,645 --> 00:34:40,245
Huh. Here we go.
607
00:34:40,765 --> 00:34:43,621
- I can feel it. Look, it's throbbing.
- Can we turn this off, please?
608
00:34:43,645 --> 00:34:45,125
[JEAN] Throbbing...
609
00:34:46,085 --> 00:34:47,341
[TEACHER] Look...
610
00:34:47,365 --> 00:34:49,165
- [JEERING]
- Oh, fantastic!
611
00:34:50,125 --> 00:34:51,165
And then he comes.
612
00:34:54,205 --> 00:34:55,685
Can you go and see if he's all right?
613
00:34:56,845 --> 00:34:58,245
Oh, fuck it.
614
00:34:58,525 --> 00:35:01,285
Okay, thank you everyone.
That's enough drama for today.
615
00:35:05,205 --> 00:35:06,685
[OTIS WHISPERS] Oh, my God.
616
00:35:11,125 --> 00:35:12,165
Do you want one?
617
00:35:19,365 --> 00:35:20,605
Was that really your mum?
618
00:35:21,165 --> 00:35:22,565
Mm. Could have been a lot worse.
619
00:35:23,285 --> 00:35:25,045
She could have been stroking
an actual penis.
620
00:35:25,445 --> 00:35:26,541
[LAUGHS]
621
00:35:26,565 --> 00:35:29,125
Oh, God. Yeah, I just think
I'm gonna die now.
622
00:35:29,925 --> 00:35:31,005
Don't worry about it.
623
00:35:31,485 --> 00:35:34,501
Speaking as a long-term member
of the Moordale Social Pariah Club,
624
00:35:34,525 --> 00:35:35,725
you'll survive.
625
00:35:36,005 --> 00:35:37,005
[BOY YELLING]
626
00:35:41,085 --> 00:35:42,141
[BOY EXCLAIMING]
627
00:35:42,165 --> 00:35:44,005
[GASPING]
628
00:35:45,285 --> 00:35:49,125
[MOANING]
629
00:35:50,045 --> 00:35:51,901
Oh, ow!
630
00:35:51,925 --> 00:35:54,101
[PANTING]
631
00:35:54,125 --> 00:35:56,045
- [YELLS]
- [ALL SCREAM]
632
00:35:56,365 --> 00:35:57,365
Shit!
633
00:35:57,605 --> 00:35:58,981
- [ADAM YELPS]
- Oh, my God.
634
00:35:59,005 --> 00:36:00,661
[GASPS]
635
00:36:00,685 --> 00:36:01,661
[LAUGHS]
636
00:36:01,685 --> 00:36:02,581
- Get out!
- Okay.
637
00:36:02,605 --> 00:36:03,885
- Fine.
- No, wait!
638
00:36:04,685 --> 00:36:05,685
Don't go.
639
00:36:06,245 --> 00:36:07,181
Help me.
640
00:36:07,205 --> 00:36:09,445
I know it was you
who sent that video around.
641
00:36:09,885 --> 00:36:11,501
- So?
- So I'm not gonna help you.
642
00:36:11,525 --> 00:36:13,901
Please, new kid.
It feels... like it's gonna explode.
643
00:36:13,925 --> 00:36:16,301
- And not in a good way.
- Well, that's not my problem.
644
00:36:16,325 --> 00:36:17,325
No, wait!
645
00:36:18,045 --> 00:36:19,861
Please, don't go. [WHIMPERS]
646
00:36:19,885 --> 00:36:22,565
- Should we get the nurse?
- No! No, you can't tell anyone.
647
00:36:23,365 --> 00:36:25,221
- What if he dies or something?
- Dies?
648
00:36:25,245 --> 00:36:26,245
[OTIS] Adam...
649
00:36:27,285 --> 00:36:28,285
what did you take?
650
00:36:30,045 --> 00:36:31,101
Viagra.
651
00:36:31,125 --> 00:36:32,125
How much Viagra?
652
00:36:33,845 --> 00:36:36,045
- [WHIMPERS]
- [OTIS] Hey, look, um...
653
00:36:36,565 --> 00:36:39,341
Think of this room
as being four walls of trust.
654
00:36:39,365 --> 00:36:41,485
Anything you say is fine.
There's no judgment.
655
00:36:42,725 --> 00:36:44,421
- Three Viagras.
- Jesus Christ.
656
00:36:44,445 --> 00:36:46,261
- You said there'd be no judgment.
- Sorry.
657
00:36:46,285 --> 00:36:49,101
Is three Viagras bad? Her reaction
made it seem like it was bad.
658
00:36:49,125 --> 00:36:51,301
I feel lightheaded and
I can taste scampi.
659
00:36:51,325 --> 00:36:54,661
- No wonder. You could besiege a castle.
- I said stop staring at it!
660
00:36:54,685 --> 00:36:55,965
Sorry! It's like a third leg.
661
00:36:58,565 --> 00:36:59,645
What now?
662
00:37:01,445 --> 00:37:02,445
We wait.
663
00:37:05,405 --> 00:37:06,645
[SIGHS]
664
00:37:07,845 --> 00:37:10,405
- How is it looking?
- [ADAM] Still large, still...
665
00:37:11,885 --> 00:37:12,781
angry.
666
00:37:12,805 --> 00:37:15,701
- Where did you even get the Viagra from?
- None of your business.
667
00:37:15,725 --> 00:37:17,565
Please don't tell me you got it
from your dad.
668
00:37:20,445 --> 00:37:21,445
I didn't.
669
00:37:24,405 --> 00:37:25,381
Why did you take it?
670
00:37:25,405 --> 00:37:28,261
I don't know.
Heard it gives you a good buzz.
671
00:37:28,285 --> 00:37:30,501
You should try it
instead of being such a joy fucker.
672
00:37:30,525 --> 00:37:31,581
He's having dick problems.
673
00:37:31,605 --> 00:37:34,461
- Yeah? What would you know, Wiley?
- Girls talk, clodpole.
674
00:37:34,485 --> 00:37:35,805
Aimee said you can't come.
675
00:37:42,045 --> 00:37:43,165
It's too much pressure.
676
00:37:45,205 --> 00:37:47,341
- What is?
- Everyone knows I've got a giant penis.
677
00:37:47,365 --> 00:37:49,125
- So you wanted to make it bigger?
- No.
678
00:37:50,005 --> 00:37:51,621
I just wanted it to get hard.
679
00:37:51,645 --> 00:37:54,125
- Well, why do you think it couldn't?
- I don't know.
680
00:37:55,565 --> 00:37:57,421
I can't stop thinkin' about stuff
when we shag.
681
00:37:57,445 --> 00:37:59,661
"What if I'm not good at this?
Maybe I'm doin' it wrong.
682
00:37:59,685 --> 00:38:02,341
Maybe she knows I'm doin' it wrong.
What if my dad walks in?
683
00:38:02,365 --> 00:38:04,821
What if my dad walks in and it's right
when I'm blowing my load
684
00:38:04,845 --> 00:38:07,141
and I can't stop,
and he sees my jizz face?
685
00:38:07,165 --> 00:38:09,765
- What if..."
- Okay. Um... Yeah, no, we get it.
686
00:38:12,565 --> 00:38:13,781
[OTIS] Okay.
687
00:38:13,805 --> 00:38:14,805
Well...
688
00:38:15,965 --> 00:38:20,285
Sounds to me like you're experiencing
some performance anxiety.
689
00:38:20,925 --> 00:38:23,840
Perhaps the mythology surrounding
the size of your penis
690
00:38:23,865 --> 00:38:24,861
doesn't help things.
691
00:38:24,885 --> 00:38:27,045
It is interesting you mention
your father.
692
00:38:27,765 --> 00:38:29,501
How does being the headmaster's son
affect you?
693
00:38:29,525 --> 00:38:31,125
Well, it's shit, obviously.
694
00:38:31,765 --> 00:38:32,661
Go on.
695
00:38:32,685 --> 00:38:34,741
Everyone's watching me all the time.
Everyone's like,
696
00:38:34,765 --> 00:38:37,101
"There goes Adam Groff, headmaster's son.
697
00:38:37,125 --> 00:38:39,965
He's got a big massive elephant's cock."
I've got feelings.
698
00:38:44,285 --> 00:38:45,325
I guess that...
699
00:38:48,725 --> 00:38:50,285
I wish I could be a normal kid.
700
00:38:53,045 --> 00:38:54,485
With a normal dick.
701
00:38:58,205 --> 00:38:59,325
And a normal dad.
702
00:39:01,845 --> 00:39:03,125
[OTIS] I think...
703
00:39:03,765 --> 00:39:06,765
that you need to own your narrative,
704
00:39:07,125 --> 00:39:08,701
not let it control you.
705
00:39:08,725 --> 00:39:11,005
Yes, you have a large appendage.
706
00:39:11,365 --> 00:39:14,085
Yes, you're very visible in the school
due to your father's position.
707
00:39:14,605 --> 00:39:16,685
But neither is likely to change.
708
00:39:17,165 --> 00:39:18,365
But your outlook can.
709
00:39:19,645 --> 00:39:20,685
Does that make sense?
710
00:39:21,165 --> 00:39:22,165
Not really.
711
00:39:24,045 --> 00:39:26,901
It shouldn't matter
what anyone in the school thinks.
712
00:39:26,925 --> 00:39:28,181
You are who you are.
713
00:39:28,205 --> 00:39:30,205
Don't let anyone take that away from you.
714
00:39:30,725 --> 00:39:32,845
So everyone's wrong, and I'm basically...
715
00:39:33,965 --> 00:39:34,965
awesome.
716
00:39:36,885 --> 00:39:39,805
Be proud of your penis and your heritage.
717
00:39:40,085 --> 00:39:41,845
'Cause neither are going anywhere.
718
00:39:42,285 --> 00:39:43,845
You should work with what you've got.
719
00:39:46,165 --> 00:39:48,525
[CLATTERING]
720
00:39:49,565 --> 00:39:50,805
[SIGHS]
721
00:39:53,485 --> 00:39:54,885
It's going down, new kid.
722
00:39:56,445 --> 00:39:57,445
Thank God.
723
00:40:00,925 --> 00:40:03,485
Uh, you won't tell anyone about this,
will you?
724
00:40:04,165 --> 00:40:06,261
You said that thing about
the four walls of trust.
725
00:40:06,285 --> 00:40:07,445
We won't tell anyone.
726
00:40:07,725 --> 00:40:10,285
If you leave my friend Eric alone.
727
00:40:11,445 --> 00:40:13,525
- For good.
- Tromboner?
728
00:40:13,765 --> 00:40:14,765
It's your choice.
729
00:40:15,845 --> 00:40:16,845
Fine.
730
00:40:18,045 --> 00:40:19,805
I think you owe Otis an apology.
731
00:40:23,125 --> 00:40:26,605
Sorry for sending the video around,
but your mum...
732
00:40:27,685 --> 00:40:29,325
really got in my head, new kid.
733
00:40:30,165 --> 00:40:31,445
She's like some kind of...
734
00:40:32,645 --> 00:40:33,645
sexy witch.
735
00:40:42,165 --> 00:40:43,405
Well, that was unusual.
736
00:40:46,285 --> 00:40:47,741
See you around, Otis.
737
00:40:47,765 --> 00:40:49,765
["DR. JEKYLL & MR. HYDE" PLAYING]
738
00:40:57,605 --> 00:41:01,781
♪ Well, I was hideous and handsome ♪
739
00:41:01,805 --> 00:41:04,685
[GIRL] Do you think Headmaster Groff
is well hung too? [GIGGLING]
740
00:41:05,245 --> 00:41:06,725
Yogurt's vegan, right?
741
00:41:07,165 --> 00:41:11,565
♪ Yes, I was honest and I lied ♪
742
00:41:12,165 --> 00:41:15,981
♪ That's my Dr. Jekyll
743
00:41:16,005 --> 00:41:18,501
- ♪ Oh, and Mr. Hyde ♪
- Hey!
744
00:41:18,525 --> 00:41:20,325
Can I have everyone's attention, please?
745
00:41:23,045 --> 00:41:24,165
I have something to say.
746
00:41:24,685 --> 00:41:27,645
My name is Adam Groff.
Headmaster Groff is my dad.
747
00:41:28,045 --> 00:41:30,605
Which is weird,
'cause I'm quite shit at school.
748
00:41:32,885 --> 00:41:34,581
- [BUCKLE JANGLES]
- And this...
749
00:41:34,605 --> 00:41:36,061
[ZIPS]
750
00:41:36,085 --> 00:41:37,285
This is my dick.
751
00:41:37,725 --> 00:41:39,605
- [GASPING]
- [LAUGHTER]
752
00:41:43,845 --> 00:41:44,845
No.
753
00:41:45,405 --> 00:41:46,725
Yes, it is large.
754
00:41:48,045 --> 00:41:49,981
- [GIRL] Oh, my God.
- But I've done some googling.
755
00:41:50,005 --> 00:41:52,541
- Oh, my God.
- And it's actually just above average
756
00:41:52,565 --> 00:41:55,405
in terms of worldwide adult statistics.
757
00:41:56,565 --> 00:41:57,565
So, yeah.
758
00:41:58,045 --> 00:42:00,165
- That's me.
- [CAMERA SHUTTERS CLICKING]
759
00:42:00,845 --> 00:42:01,925
And that's my dick.
760
00:42:02,285 --> 00:42:04,885
[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]
761
00:42:13,965 --> 00:42:15,605
You have to break up with him.
762
00:42:16,285 --> 00:42:17,485
Yeah, I do.
763
00:42:26,205 --> 00:42:27,525
I have to tell you something.
764
00:42:28,045 --> 00:42:30,261
- ♪ Don't forget now to take your pills ♪
- [MOANING]
765
00:42:30,285 --> 00:42:32,021
♪ I know you won't ♪
♪ Because you can't stop ♪
766
00:42:32,045 --> 00:42:33,101
I'm owning my narrative.
767
00:42:33,125 --> 00:42:35,701
- ♪ Don't forget now to take your pills ♪
- I'm owning my narrative!
768
00:42:35,725 --> 00:42:37,621
- [GROANS]
- ♪ Because you can't stop ♪
769
00:42:37,645 --> 00:42:39,645
♪ I know you won't ♪
♪ Because you can't stop ♪
770
00:42:39,925 --> 00:42:42,301
♪ I know you won't ♪
♪ Because you can't stop ♪
771
00:42:42,325 --> 00:42:45,245
[GROANING]
772
00:42:47,885 --> 00:42:50,005
[SIGHING] I owned it!
773
00:42:54,005 --> 00:42:55,485
[GROANS]
774
00:42:55,845 --> 00:42:58,445
[SIGHS] Welcome back, old friend.
How I've missed you.
775
00:43:01,125 --> 00:43:03,045
Uh, what did you wanna talk about?
776
00:43:05,165 --> 00:43:06,605
We have to break up.
777
00:43:08,645 --> 00:43:11,005
- We just had sex.
- Yeah.
778
00:43:11,325 --> 00:43:12,965
I wanted to do it one last time.
779
00:43:13,645 --> 00:43:15,165
For, like, memories.
780
00:43:16,285 --> 00:43:17,805
But I don't understand.
781
00:43:18,885 --> 00:43:20,085
I thought it was me.
782
00:43:21,005 --> 00:43:22,445
But it's definitely you.
783
00:43:23,045 --> 00:43:25,205
- What is?
- Everything.
784
00:43:26,925 --> 00:43:29,485
Just everything about us is wrong.
785
00:43:30,765 --> 00:43:31,845
Sorry.
786
00:43:32,685 --> 00:43:33,965
But it's over.
787
00:43:42,485 --> 00:43:45,125
[WOMAN ON PA] Adam Groff
to the headmaster's office, please.
788
00:43:48,045 --> 00:43:50,245
Adam Groff
to the headmaster's office, please.
789
00:43:51,485 --> 00:43:52,565
[SIGHS]
790
00:43:55,485 --> 00:43:56,765
And thank you for coming.
791
00:44:04,405 --> 00:44:06,485
Do you have any idea what you have done?
792
00:44:08,405 --> 00:44:09,600
I've had multiple parents
793
00:44:09,625 --> 00:44:11,781
threatening to take their
children out of school.
794
00:44:11,805 --> 00:44:13,649
They were going to charge
you with public indecency
795
00:44:13,674 --> 00:44:15,629
if I hadn't intervened.
796
00:44:17,565 --> 00:44:19,181
Detention for the rest of term.
797
00:44:19,205 --> 00:44:20,925
- What? Dad...
- You heard me.
798
00:44:21,645 --> 00:44:22,645
Now get out.
799
00:44:24,565 --> 00:44:26,285
I can't even bear to look at you.
800
00:44:34,125 --> 00:44:35,685
[SIGHS] I broke up with Adam.
801
00:44:36,005 --> 00:44:37,925
- Still couldn't come?
- No, he did.
802
00:44:38,365 --> 00:44:39,645
We had goodbye sex.
803
00:44:40,085 --> 00:44:43,405
Thing is, school's hard enough
without having to date an actual flasher.
804
00:44:43,845 --> 00:44:46,021
I need to find someone
a bit more socially acceptable...
805
00:44:46,045 --> 00:44:48,165
- Rewind, he came?
- Yeah.
806
00:44:48,725 --> 00:44:51,525
It was like something clicked
in his brain. Boom!
807
00:44:57,205 --> 00:45:00,245
["DANCING WITH MYSELF"
BY BILLY IDOL PLAYING]
808
00:45:10,765 --> 00:45:13,261
♪ On the floors of Tokyo ♪
809
00:45:13,285 --> 00:45:15,981
♪ Uh, down in London town's a go-go ♪
810
00:45:16,005 --> 00:45:18,981
♪ Uh, with the record selection ♪
♪ And the mirror's reflection ♪
811
00:45:19,005 --> 00:45:21,381
♪ I'm a-dancin' with myself ♪
812
00:45:21,405 --> 00:45:24,021
♪ Uh, when there's no one else in sight ♪
813
00:45:24,045 --> 00:45:26,861
♪ Uh, think a crowded lonely night ♪
814
00:45:26,885 --> 00:45:29,901
♪ Well, I wait so long ♪
♪ For my love vibration ♪
815
00:45:29,925 --> 00:45:32,061
♪ And I'm dancin' with myself ♪
816
00:45:32,085 --> 00:45:34,901
♪ Ah-oh, I'm dancin' with myself ♪
817
00:45:34,925 --> 00:45:37,541
- ♪ Ah-oh, dancin' with myself ♪
- ♪ Oh-oh-oh-oh ♪
818
00:45:37,565 --> 00:45:39,341
- ♪ Oh-oh-oh ♪
- ♪ When there's nothin' to lose ♪
819
00:45:39,365 --> 00:45:41,061
- ♪ And there's nothin' to prove ♪
- ♪ Oh-oh-oh ♪
820
00:45:41,085 --> 00:45:43,061
♪ Well, I'm dancin' with myself ♪
821
00:45:43,085 --> 00:45:44,485
- ♪ Ah-oh-oh ♪
- ♪ Oh-oh-oh ♪
822
00:45:45,725 --> 00:45:48,085
- ♪ Ah-oh-oh-oh ♪
- ♪ Oh-oh-oh ♪
823
00:45:48,445 --> 00:45:51,061
- ♪ Ah-oh-oh ♪
- ♪ Oh-oh-oh ♪
824
00:45:51,085 --> 00:45:54,245
- ♪ Ah-oh-oh ♪
- ♪ Oh-oh-oh ♪
825
00:46:05,405 --> 00:46:06,405
No!
826
00:46:07,365 --> 00:46:08,421
[GROANS]
827
00:46:08,445 --> 00:46:10,941
- [SIGHS]
- [JEAN] Faster! Faster!
828
00:46:10,965 --> 00:46:13,021
- Faster! Oh, oh, oh!
- [RHYTHMIC THUMPING]
829
00:46:13,045 --> 00:46:15,701
- Don't stop! Don't stop! Don't stop!
- [MAN GROANS]
830
00:46:15,725 --> 00:46:18,141
- [JEAN] Okay! Good! Keep going!
- [MAN] Yes! Yes!
831
00:46:18,165 --> 00:46:20,221
- [BOTH MOANING]
- [JEAN] Don't... don't...
832
00:46:20,245 --> 00:46:22,541
- [JEAN SCREAMING] Don't stop! Don't stop!
- [MAN YELLING]
833
00:46:22,565 --> 00:46:25,045
[ALARM BLEEPING]
834
00:46:31,485 --> 00:46:32,485
[SIGHS]
835
00:46:42,045 --> 00:46:43,045
[SIGHS]
836
00:46:54,685 --> 00:46:56,141
[DOOR OPENS]
837
00:46:56,165 --> 00:46:57,261
Oh!
838
00:46:57,285 --> 00:46:58,421
Very sorry.
839
00:46:58,445 --> 00:46:59,821
This isn't the bathroom.
840
00:46:59,845 --> 00:47:01,541
No, this is not the bathroom.
841
00:47:01,565 --> 00:47:03,005
I'm Harry, by the way.
842
00:47:09,125 --> 00:47:10,365
[SIGHS]
843
00:47:12,725 --> 00:47:13,805
[SIGHS]
844
00:47:14,365 --> 00:47:16,085
- Mum.
- Yes, darling?
845
00:47:16,965 --> 00:47:18,325
I can't masturbate.
846
00:47:21,125 --> 00:47:22,461
Sweetheart, I'm glad you...
847
00:47:22,485 --> 00:47:24,845
I can't masturbate.
But I don't wanna talk about it.
848
00:47:25,445 --> 00:47:26,645
I'm dealing with it on my own.
849
00:47:28,125 --> 00:47:29,685
Thank you for telling me.
850
00:47:36,605 --> 00:47:38,365
Yeah, I think I'd better leave too.
851
00:47:39,085 --> 00:47:41,045
I think that's probably best.
852
00:47:51,805 --> 00:47:56,021
Well, only 376 days of sixth form left.
853
00:47:56,045 --> 00:47:57,381
Yeah!
854
00:47:57,405 --> 00:48:00,261
I thought this was supposed to be
the best two years of our lives.
855
00:48:00,285 --> 00:48:02,101
At least you got Adam to leave me alone.
856
00:48:02,125 --> 00:48:03,765
Thank you very much for that, man.
857
00:48:04,645 --> 00:48:06,501
- We had a deal.
- Yeah, your advice was shit.
858
00:48:06,525 --> 00:48:08,021
My girlfriend's broken up with me.
859
00:48:08,045 --> 00:48:10,005
Everyone's got a picture
of my lovely big dick.
860
00:48:11,005 --> 00:48:12,005
Deal's off.
861
00:48:13,325 --> 00:48:14,365
See you later...
862
00:48:15,085 --> 00:48:16,085
Tromboner.
863
00:48:20,165 --> 00:48:21,941
[SIGHS]
864
00:48:21,965 --> 00:48:23,965
See? That's why you always wear a helmet.
865
00:48:27,165 --> 00:48:29,701
Um, Maeve Wiley's
coming straight over here.
866
00:48:29,725 --> 00:48:32,925
She's literally walking
straight towards us with purpose.
867
00:48:34,125 --> 00:48:36,061
Uh, Otis. Otis! Otis.
868
00:48:36,085 --> 00:48:38,085
- Okay, she's here.
- Nice helmet.
869
00:48:38,765 --> 00:48:40,861
- It's just, safety first.
- [CHUCKLES]
870
00:48:40,885 --> 00:48:42,205
Can I talk to you for a sec?
871
00:48:44,605 --> 00:48:47,165
Oh, do you want me...
Do you want me to go?
872
00:48:47,485 --> 00:48:49,085
- Yeah.
- Oh, good.
873
00:48:50,125 --> 00:48:51,245
I'll just, um...
874
00:48:52,165 --> 00:48:53,805
leave, then, shall I?
875
00:49:01,085 --> 00:49:02,581
[BOTH CHUCKLE]
876
00:49:02,605 --> 00:49:04,925
What did you wanna talk about?
877
00:49:06,765 --> 00:49:07,885
See those two over there?
878
00:49:08,205 --> 00:49:11,261
The one on the right has never been
in a lesbian relationship before.
879
00:49:11,285 --> 00:49:13,245
She's terrified
of her new girlfriend's vagina.
880
00:49:14,365 --> 00:49:15,301
See her?
881
00:49:15,325 --> 00:49:18,445
She believes that flicking the bean
might make her clit drop off.
882
00:49:18,685 --> 00:49:21,565
She hates herself.
But she just can't stop wanking.
883
00:49:22,485 --> 00:49:23,685
Do you see them?
884
00:49:24,205 --> 00:49:26,725
Yeah, he's definitely giving everyone
pubic lice.
885
00:49:27,005 --> 00:49:28,325
What's your point?
886
00:49:29,445 --> 00:49:31,805
The students at this school
need your help, Otis.
887
00:49:32,485 --> 00:49:33,485
And we need their money.
888
00:49:34,005 --> 00:49:36,781
I haven't really worked out the details
yet, but I'm good with numbers, so,
889
00:49:36,805 --> 00:49:39,581
I'll deal with the business end of things
and you can do the therapy.
890
00:49:39,605 --> 00:49:41,541
We'll charge for every appointment
and split the cash.
891
00:49:41,565 --> 00:49:43,485
- Therapy?
- Yeah, sex therapy.
892
00:49:44,045 --> 00:49:46,245
You have a gift.
It would be irresponsible to waste it.
893
00:49:46,845 --> 00:49:51,141
- Look how you helped Adam.
- But I didn't. He hates me now.
894
00:49:51,165 --> 00:49:52,405
He came, Otis.
895
00:49:53,045 --> 00:49:55,125
Your words made him come.
896
00:49:56,765 --> 00:49:57,845
Sort of.
897
00:50:00,285 --> 00:50:02,405
Look, I haven't got all day.
Are you in or out?
898
00:50:03,245 --> 00:50:05,645
- Uh...
- Okay, fine. Don't worry about it.
899
00:50:10,405 --> 00:50:12,541
Uh... Okay. Maeve!
900
00:50:12,565 --> 00:50:13,621
Wait! Wait!
901
00:50:13,645 --> 00:50:15,645
[ROCK SONG PLAYING]
902
00:50:17,325 --> 00:50:18,325
I'm in!
903
00:50:19,125 --> 00:50:22,301
♪ Everythin' only one time ♪
♪ Gets you nothin' ♪
904
00:50:22,325 --> 00:50:25,501
♪ Everythin' only one time ♪
905
00:50:25,525 --> 00:50:28,565
♪ I need a sex education right away ♪
906
00:50:28,845 --> 00:50:32,341
♪ I need a sex education right away ♪
907
00:50:32,365 --> 00:50:35,541
♪ I'm in the same situation every day ♪
908
00:50:35,565 --> 00:50:39,885
♪ I need a sex education right away ♪
909
00:50:40,245 --> 00:50:43,061
♪ Too little time to clear my mind ♪
910
00:50:43,085 --> 00:50:46,461
♪ I'm too wound up by the afternoon ♪
911
00:50:46,485 --> 00:50:48,261
♪ Ooh, react in the moment ♪
912
00:50:48,285 --> 00:50:51,805
♪ And self-flagellate in the evenin' ♪
913
00:50:52,325 --> 00:50:55,181
♪ Too many times, my tongue got tied ♪
914
00:50:55,205 --> 00:50:58,621
♪ And I'm too wound up now ♪
♪ To tell the true truth ♪
915
00:50:58,645 --> 00:51:00,581
♪ I man up for the moment ♪
916
00:51:00,605 --> 00:51:03,661
♪ And tell myself I believe it ♪
917
00:51:03,685 --> 00:51:07,581
♪ Oh, everythin' only one time ♪
♪ Gets you nothin' ♪
918
00:51:07,605 --> 00:51:10,885
♪ Everythin' only one time ♪
919
00:51:11,245 --> 00:51:14,461
♪ Everythin' only one time ♪
♪ Gets you nothin' ♪
920
00:51:14,485 --> 00:51:17,741
♪ Everythin' only one time ♪
921
00:51:17,765 --> 00:51:20,645
♪ I need a sex education right away ♪
922
00:51:20,885 --> 00:51:24,045
♪ I need a sex education right away ♪
923
00:51:24,565 --> 00:51:27,861
♪ I'm in the same situation every day ♪
924
00:51:27,885 --> 00:51:31,965
♪ I need a sex education right away ♪