Encoded by ? jDev. ?
Yeah. Feel nice and tired.
But, I don't think I've ever felt this way before.
Yeah. Move over.
Oh!
Hello, Mr. Humpty
Oh.
Mom...
Sorry.
Where should we get to?
- See "the looking-glass". - Hhh.
I'll tell all my ideas about the little looking-glass house.
What is a looking-glass?
It's a mirror. Like that one.
Mom...
I'm sorry. Right.
First, there's a room you can see through the glass.
There is a room through the glass. I've seen it.
Look at you?
I expect it is probably like this room, isn't it?
Just the other way around.
No, different. Completely different.
You look.
Go over there and look through there?
- Let's look on your face... - Please...
Oh, you're such mean bully.
- Go on. - All right.
Can you see it?
I see you...
and me.
I rather not see me at the moment.
What's about the room? The one with the glass?
No, just this one. And all of your things.
You're not looking hard enough.
You got to believe it before you can see it.
First, there's room you can see through the glass.
That's the same as our drawing one. And all the things go the other way.
I know that because I held up one of our books to the glass,
and then they hold one up in the other room.
How nice it would be if any we could get into the looking-glass house?
Go on, try.
They didn't keep this room nearly as tidy as they should.
Here are the White Queen and the White King walking arm in arm.
I don't think they can hear me.
And I'm nearly sure they can't see me.
I feel somehow as if I would get invisible.
Aaaah! It's the voice of my child.
My precious Lily. My imperial little kitten.
I'm coming.
Ah.
Ohhh!
Mind the volcano!
What volcano?
It blew me up here.
You come up the regular way.
Don't get blown up!
You'll be hours and hours getting to the table at that rate.
I'd better help you, hadn't I?
Uh-ah. Oh oh!
Oh, please, don't make such faces.
Make me laugh so much, I can hardly hold you.
Water.
I assure you, my dear.
I turned cold to the very end of my whiskers.
- Huh, call those whiskers? - Oh the horror of that moment,
I shall never, never forget it.
You will forget it if you don't write it down in the memorandum.
Ah.
"The Jabberwocky."
"Twas brillig, and slithy toves,"
"Did gyre and gimble in the wabe."
It's rather hard to understand.
Seem to fill my head with ideas.
Only I don't exactly know what they are?
If I don't make haste, I shall have to go back through the looking-glass,
before I've seen what the rest of the house is like.
Have a look at the garden first.
My dear, I really must get the thinner pencil.
I can't manage this one a bit.
It writes all manner of things I don't intend.
What sort of things?
'The White Knight slid down the poker. He balanced very badly."
That's not a memorandum of your feelings.
Uh, oh.
I should see the garden far better if I could get to the top of that hill.
And here is the path that leads straight to it.
O Tiger-lily,
I wish you could talk.
We can.
When there's anybody worth talking to.
Exactly.
- Ooh, ogle her. - Ooh, ogle her.
How is it you all talk so nicely?
I've been in many gardens, but, none of the flowers could talk.
Put your hand on the ground. Then you'll know why.
In most gardens, they make the beds too soft.
So, the flowers are always asleep.
I've never thought of that before.
It's my opinion that you never think at all.
- Absolutely. - Ooh.
Are there any other people in the garden besides me?
There's one of the flowers in the garden that can move about like you.
But, she's more bushy than you are.
So, she's not like me?
Well, she has the same awkward shape as you,
but, she is redder and her petals are shorter.
Yes, not tumble about, naturally.
But, that's not your fault.
You're beginning to fade, you know?
- Hhh!!! - You are.
And then one can't help one's petals getting a little untidy.
Where do you come from? Where are you going?
Look up. Speak nicely.
And don't twiddle your fingers all the time.
I've lost my way.
I don't know what you mean by "your way"? All the ways about here are mine.
But, why did you come out here at all?
Curtsey while you try to think what to say. It saves time.
It's time for you to answer now.
Open your mouth a little wider when you speak.
And always say: Your Majesty.
I only wanted to see what the garden was like.
- Your Majesty. - That's right.
Now, when you say "garden",
I've seen gardens, compare with which this would be a wilderness.
And then I thought I'd try to get to the top of that hill.
When you say "hill",
I could show you hills, in comparison with which you'd call that a "valley".
No, I shouldn't.
A hill can't be a valley, you know? That would be nonsense.
You may call it "nonsense" if you like.
But, I've heard nonsense,
compare with which that would be as sensible as a dictionary!
It's marked out just like a large chessboard.
It's a great huge game of chess that is being played all over the world.
O how I wish I was one of the players.
That's easily managed.
You can be the White Queen's pawn since Lily's too young to play.
Now, you're in the second square to begin with.
When you get to the eighth square, you'll be a Queen.
Queen?
- Are you thirsty? - Terribly.
Have a biscuit.
While you're refreshing yourself, I'll just take the measurements.
After two yards,...
I should give you directions.
- Have another biscuit. - No, thank you.
Thirst quelched, I hope?
After three yards,
I should repeat the directions for fearing you'd forgotten them.
After four yards, I should say goodbye.
And after five yards, I should go.
Now,...
the pawn goes two squares in its first move.
So, you'll go very quickly through the third square, by train, I should think.
And find yourself in the fourth square in no time.
And that belongs to Tweedledum and Tweedledee.
The fifth square is mostly water.
The sixth square belongs to Humpty Dumpty.
But, you make no remark.
I didn't know I had to make one, just then.
You should have said:
It's extremely nice of you to tell me all this.
However, we'll suppose it said.
The seventh square is forest.
However, one of the knights will show you the way.
And in the eighth square, we'll be Queens together.
And it's all feasting and fun.
Speak in French when you can't think of the English for a thing.
Turn your toes out when you walk.
And remember... who you are.
Goodbye.
Tickets, please!
Where's your ticket, child?
Don't keep him waiting, child.
Why, his time is worth a thousand pounds a minute.
I'm afraid I don't have one.
There wasn't a ticket-office where I came from.
There wasn't room for one where she came from.
The land there is worth a thousand pounds an inch.
Don't make excuses.
You should have bought one from the engine-driver.
The man that drives the engine.
Why, the smoke alone is worth a thousand pounds a puff.
- I don't know what to say. - Better say nothing at all.
Language is worth a thousand pounds a word.
I'll dream about a thousand pounds, tonight, I know I shall.
You are traveling the wrong way.
Sorry, but...
so young a child ought to know which way she's going.
Even if she doesn't know her own name.
She ought to know her way to the ticket-office,
even if she doen't know her alphabet.
She'll have to go back, from here as luggage.
Lovely. Like a parcel.
Change engines.
It sounds like a horse.
You might make a joke on that.
Something about horse and hoarse, you know?
She can go by post. She's got a head like a stamp.
You could be sent as a message by telegraph.
She must draw the train herself for the rest of the way.
Never mind what he says.
Get a return ticket every time the train stops.
Indeed, I shan't.
I don't belong to this railway journey at all.
I was in the woods just now. I wish I was back there.
You might make a joke on that.
Something like, you would if you could, you know?
If you're so anxious to have a joke made, why don't you make it yourself.
I know you are a friend, a dear friend and an old friend.
And you won't hurt me. Though I am an insect.
What kind of insect?
What? Then you don't know that I'm a gnat?
It's only a brook.
We have to jump over to the fourth square.
Fourth square? Fourth square!
Fourth square. Who tends fourth square?
You don't like all insects?
I like ones that can talk.
None of them talk where I come from.
What kind of insects do you rejoice in?
I... I don't rejoice in insects at all.
Because I'm rather afraid of them.
At least, the large ones.
But, I could tell you the names of some of them.
And of course, they answer to their names?
I never knew them do it.
What's the use to having names if they don't answer to them?
Hmm. No use to them.
But, useful to the people that name them, I suppose.
If not, why do things have names at all?
I can't say.
Furthermore, in the woods over there, they have no names.
Howver, go on with your list. You're wasting time.
Oh, um... well, there's the horse-fly.
Halfway up that bush, you'll see a rocking-horse-fly,
made entirely of wood,
and it gets about by swinging itself from branch to branch.
What does it live on?
Sap and sawdust.
Go on with your list.
Um, then there's the dragonfly.
Look on the branch above your head, you'll see a snap-dragonfly.
Its body is a cornish pasty.
Its wings are holly leaves.
And its head is a small raisin, burning in brandy.
And what does it live on?
Frumenty and mince pie.
And it makes its nest in a Christmas box.
And then there's the butterfly.
- Crawling at your feet, - Hmm.
you'll observe a bread-and-butterfly.
Its wings are thin slice of the bread-and-butter.
Its body is a crust, and its head is a lump of sugar.
And what does it live on?
Weak tea with cream in it.
But, suppose it couldn't find any?
Well, then it would die, of course.
That must happen very often?
But, it always happens.
I suppose you wouldn't want to lose your name?
No, indeed.
And yet, I don't know. I mean,...
imagine how convenient it would be if you manage to go home without it.
For instance, if the governess wanted to call you to your lessons,
she would shout out: Come here.
And there she had to stop for there would be no name for her to call.
And of cause, you wouldn't have to go.
Oh, that would never do, I'm sure.
A governess wouldn't excuse me lessons for that.
Well, if she said 'Miss' and then said nothing else,
and of course, you'd miss your lessons.
That was a joke.
I wish you had made it.
Why do you wish I had made it? It was very bad one.
You shouldn't make jokes if it makes you so unhappy.
Mmm.
This must the wood where things have no names.
I wonder what'll become of my name when I go in?
Beware of the Jabberwock, my son.
Jaws that bite.
[The House of Tweedledum] [To The House of Tweedledee]
I do believe that they live in the same house.
I suppose they got the tweedle on the back of the collar.
If you think we're wax-works, you ought to pay.
Wax-works weren't made to look at for nothing, all right?
If you think we're alive, you ought to speak.
Sure, I'm very sorry.
Tweedledum and Tweedledee Agree to have a battle.
For Tweedledum said Tweedledee Had spoiled his nice new rattle.
I know what you're thinking, but it ain't so, all right.
Yeah? Because if it was so, it might be.
And if it was so, it would be.
But as it isn't, it ain't.
That's logic.
I was thinking,
which is the best way out of these woods?
It's getting so dark.
Would you please tell me, please?
- First boy. - Eh eh.
- Next boy. - I'm sorry.
See, you've begun wrong.
The first thing you do in the visit, you say:
- How d'ye do? - And shake hands.
Twas is really enough for one dance.
It would never do to say "How do you do?" now.
We seem to have got beyond that, somehow.
I hope you're not much tired.
No, all right. But, uh...
thank you very much for asking.
So much obliged.
So, you like poetry?
Yes.
Pretty well.
Some poetry.
Would you tell me a way out of the wood?
What shall I recite to her?
"The Walrus and the Carpenter" is the longest.
How long is it?
Tell you what? We'll do "The Walrus and the Carpenter".
Greet her.
If it is very long, could you tell me first?
The sun was shining on the sea, Shining with all his might:
He did his very best to make The billows smooth and bright.
And this was odd, Because it was the middle of the night.
The moon was shining sulkily,
Because she thought the sun Had got no business to be there
After the day was done.
"It's very rude of him," she said, "To come and spoil the fun!"
The sea was wet as wet could be, The sands were dry as dry.
You could not see a cloud, Because no cloud was in the sky:
No birds were flying overhead. There were no birds to fly.
The Walrus and the Carpenter Were walking close at hand;
They wept like anything to see Such quantities of sand:
"If this were only cleared away," They said, "it would be grand!"
"If seven maids with seven mops Swept it for half a year.
- Do you suppose," - The Walrus said,
"That they could get it clear?"
"I doubt it," said the Carpenter, And shed a bitter tear.
"O Oysters, come and walk with us!" The Walrus did beseech.
"A pleasant walk, a pleasant talk, Along the briny beach:
We cannot do with more than four, To give a hand to each."
The eldest Oyster looked at him, But never a word he said:
The eldest Oyster winked his eye, And shook his heavy head
Meaning to say he did not choose To leave the oyster-bed.
But four young Oysters hurried up, All eager for the treat:
Their coats were brushed, their faces washed,
Their shoes were clean and neat.
And this was odd, because, you know, They hadn't any feet.
Four other Oysters followed them, And yet another four;
And thick and fast they came at last, And more, and more, and more
All hopping through the frothy waves, And scrambling to the shore.
The Walrus and the Carpenter Walked on a mile or so,
And then they rested on a rock Conveniently low:
And all the little Oysters stood And waited in a row.
- "The time has come," - The Walrus said,
"To talk of many things:
Of shoes and ships and sealing wax Of cabbages and kings
And why the sea is boiling hot And whether pigs have wings."
- "But wait a bit," - The Oysters cried,
"Before we have our chat;
For some of us are out of breath, And all of us are fat!"
- "No hurry!" - Said the Carpenter.
They thanked him much for that.
- "A loaf of bread," - The Walrus said,
"Is what we chiefly need:
Vinegar and Pepper besides Are very good indeed
Now if you're ready, Oysters dear,
We can begin to feed."
"But not on us!" the Oysters cried, Turning a little blue.
"After such kindness, that would be A dismal thing to do!"
- "It seems a shame," - The Walrus said,
"To play them such a trick,
After we've brought them out so far, And made them trot so quick!"
The Carpenter said nothing but
"The butter's spread too thick!"
- "I weep for you," - The Walrus said:
"I deeply sympathize."
With sobs and tears he sorted out Those of the largest size,
Holding his pocket-handkerchief Before his streaming eyes.
- "O Oysters," - Said the Carpenter,
"You've had a pleasant run! Shall we be trotting home again?'
But answer came there none
And this was scarcely odd, because
They'd eaten every one.
I like the Walrus best,
because he was little sorry for the poor oysters.
He ate more than the Carpenter, though.
You see?
He hield his handkerchief in front,
so that the Carpenter couldn't count how many he took.
Know what I'm saying?
That was mean.
Well then, I like the Carpenter best if he didn't eat so many as the Walrus.
But, he took as many as he could get.
Well then, they were both very unpleasant characters.
Are there any lions or tigers about here?
No, it's only the Red King, snoring.
Come and have a look.
What a lovely sight!
Fit to snore his head off.
I'm afraid he'll catch cold with lying on the damp straw.
He's dreaming now.
What do you think he's dreaming about?
Nobody can guess that.
Why, about you.
If he left off dreaming about you, where do you suppose you'd be?
Where I am now, of course.
Nah. God bless you. Nah. Not you.
You'd be nowhere.
Why, you're only a sort of thing in his dream.
If that a King was to wake up there, you'd disappear.
Poof. Just like that.
Like that.
No, not like that.
Like that.
If I'm just a sort of thing in his dream,
what does that make you, I shall like to know?
Ditto.
A ditto. Ditto!
Harsh. You'll be waking him if you make so much noise!
Why, there's no use you two talking about waking him
when you're only one of the things in his dream.
You know very well you're not real.
I am real.
You won't make yourself a bit realer by crying.
There's nothing to cry about.
If I wasn't real, I wouldn't be able to cry.
I don't suppose you have there are real tears?
Well, at any rate, I better be getting out of this wood.
For really it's coming on very dark.
You think it's going to rain?
No, I don't think so.
At least, it's not under here now.
But, it may rain outside?
Well, it may.
If it chooses. We have no objection.
- Don't we? - No.
Selfish things.
Oh?
See that? You see that?
- You see it? - It's only a rattle.
Not a rattlesnake.
Used rattle. Quite old and broken.
Shouldn't ruin it or spoiled it.
You needn't to get so angry about an old rattle.
It's not an old rattle. It's a new one.
I only bought it yesterday!
It's my nice new rattle.
Of course, you agree to have a battle?
I suppose so.
Only she must help us to get dress up though.
I hope you're good at pinning and tying things.
Everyone of these has to go on somehow.
Yeah.
You know?
It's one of most serious things that can possibly happen in a battle,
get one's head cut off.
- Do I look pale? - Oh, yes, a little.
Yeah, I'm generally very brave. But today, I have a bit headache.
I... I've got a bit of toothache.
I am far worse than you.
Well then, perhaps, you'd better not fight today.
- Gone. - Well, we'll get a bit of battle.
But, I don't care for an hour or long one. What's the time now?
Half past four.
Well, we'll fight till six then have dinner, yeah?
Yeah, well, yeah. And she can watch us, so.
Only you, you'd better not come very close.
I mean I generally hit everything I can see.
When I get really excited.
Yeah, and I hit everything within reach, whether I can see or not.
Well then, you must hit the trees very often.
I don't suppose there'll be any tree eft standing by the time we've finished.
All the best.
Just then flew down a monstrous crow, As black as a tar-barrel;
Which frightened both the heroes so, They quite forgot their quarrel.
Sounds like a crow.
Slowly. Just a step back or so.
Don't run. Don't run!
Run!
Crow can never get at me here.
It's far too large to squeeze itself in.
Oh!
Oh, I'm, I'm very glad I happened to be in the way.
Bread and butter. Bread and butter.
Bread and butter!
Am I addressing the White Queen?
Well, yes, if you call that a-dressing? It isn't my notion of the thing at all.
Well, if Your Majesty will only tell me the right way to begin, then
I'll do it as well as I can.
But, I don't want it done at all.
I've been a-dressing myself for the past two hours.
- May I help you put your shawl straight? - I don't know what's mater with it.
It's out of temper, I hink. I pin it here,
and I pin it there, but there's no pleasing it.
Well, it, it can't go straight, you know, if you, you pin it all on one side.
There.
Oh, dear me. What a state your hair is in?
The hair brush has got entangled in it.
And I lost the comb yesterday.
What you need is a lady's maid.
Well,...
I'll take you with pleasure.
Twopence a week, and jam every other day.
No, I don't mean you should hire me.
And I don't care for jam.
It's very good jam.
Well, I don't want any today, at any rate.
Well, you couldn't have it even if you did want it.
The rule is, jam tomorrow and jam yesterday, but never jam today.
But,...
it, it must come sometimes to jam today.
Oh, no, it can't. It's jam every other day.
I don't understand you. It's dreadfully confusing.
That's the effect of living backwards. It makes one a little giddy to begin with.
Living backwards? I've never hread of such thing.
But, there is one great advantage. In that, one's memory works both ways.
Well, I'm sure, mine only works one way.
I can't remember things before they happen.
It's a poor sort of memory that only works... ha ha... backwards.
What sort of things do you remember best?
Oh, things that happen the week after next.
For instance, there's the King's messenger.
He is in prison, being punished.
And the trial doesn't even begin till next Wednesday; and of course,
the crime comes last of all.
Suppose he never commits the crime?
Well, that would be all the better, wouldn't it?
Well, of course, it would be all the better.
But, it wouldn't be all the better his being punished.
You're wrong there, at any rate.
Were you never punished?
Only for fault.
And you were all the better for it, I know.
Oh, yes. But then, I'd done the things I was punished for.
That makes all the difference.
But, if you hadn't done them, that would have been better still.
Better.
Better. Better. Better. Better. Better. Bet...ter!
Oh, oh! My finger's bleeding. Oh, oh, oh, oh!
What's matter? You've pricked it?
I haven't yet. But, I soon shall.
Well, when do expect to do it?
When I fasten my shawl again, the brooch would come undone directly.
But, be careful. You're holding it all crooked.
That accounts for the bleeding.
Now, you understand how we do things here?
Well, aren't you going to scream again?
Why?
I've done all the screaming already.
What would be the good of having it all over again?
Well, I'm glad.
I wish I could've managed to be glad.
But, I can never remember the rules.
You must be happy, living here and being glad whenever you like?
Yes. Only it's so very lonely here.
Oh...
Don't go on like that.
Consider what a great girl you are.
Consider what a long way you've come today.
Consider what o'clock it is.
Consider anything. Only, don't cry.
Can you keep from crying by considering things?
That's the way it's done.
No-one can do two things at once, you know?
Now, let's consider your age to begin with.
How old are you?
I'm seven and a half, exactly.
You don't have to say "exactly". I can believe it without that.
Now, I'll give you something to believe.
I'm just...
one hundred and one, five months and a day.
Oh, I can't believe that.
Can't you?
Try again.
Draw long breath, and shut your eyes.
There is no use trying. One can't believe impossible things.
I daresay you haven't had much practice.
When I was your age, I did for half an hour every day.
Why sometimes, I believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast.
There goes my shawl again!
I hope your finger is better now.
What is it you wish to buy?
Um...
I don't quite know yet.
I should like to look all around me first if I might.
You may look in front of you.
Or on both sides if you like.
But, you can't look behind you, unless you have eyes in the back of your head.
Things flow about so here.
It's the most provoking.
Are you a child or a spinning top? You make me giddy.
Turning around like that.
Um...
I should like to buy...
an egg, please.
How do you sell them?
Fivepence farting for one, twopence for two.
Then two is cheaper than one?
But, you must eat them both if you buy two.
Then I'll have one, please.
They might not be at all nice, you know.
I've never put things into people's hands.
That would never do.
You must get it yourself.
I wonder why it wouldn't do?
Oh, the egg seems to get further away the more I walk towards it.
How very odd to find trees growing here.
Well, this's the very queerest shop I ever saw.
Humpty Dumpty.
It can't be anybody else.
And how exactly like an egg he is.
It's very provoking to be called an egg.
Very.
I said you looked like an egg, sir.
And, and some eggs are very pretty, you know?
Some people have no more sense than a baby.
Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall Humpty Dumpty had a great fall
All the King's horses and all the King's men
Couldn't put Humpty in his place again.
That last line is much too long for a poetry.
Why do you sit out here all alone?
Why?
Because there is nobody with me, of course.
Well, don't you think you'll be much safer on the ground?
That wall is very narrow.
What tremendously easy riddles, you ask. Why, of course, I don't think so.
Why, if I did fall, which there's no chance of.
But, if I did, if I did fall,
the King has promised me...
ahhhh... you didn't think I was going to say that, did you?
The King has promised me, with his very own mouth,
- to... - Send all his horses and all his men.
Now, I declare that's too bad.
You've been listening at doors, and behind trees, and down chimneys
- or you couldn't have known it. - I haven't indeed. It's in the book.
Well, they may write such thing in the book.
Now, take a good look at me.
I'm one that has spoken to the King, I am.
And to show I'm not proud, you may shake hands with me.
How old did you say you were?
I'm uh seven years and six months.
You never said a word like it.
Yeah, but, I thought you meant how old am I.
If I meant that, I'd have said it.
Now, if you'd ask my advice, I'd have said: Leave off at "seven".
But, it's too late now.
You seem very good at explaining things.
I wonder would you tell me, please, the meaning of the poem "Jabberwocky"?
I can explain every poem that were invented.
And a good deal that haven't been invented yet.
Twas brillig, and the slithy toves.
Twas brillig, and the slithy toves Did gyre and gimble in the wabe:
All mimsy were the borogoves, And the mome raths outgrabe.
Beware the Jabberwock, my son! The jaws that bite, the claws that catch!
Beware the Jubjub bird, and shun The frumious Bandersnatch!
He took his vorpal sword in hand; Long time the manxome foe he sought
So rested he by the Tumtum tree And stood awhile in thought.
And, as in uffish thought he stood, The Jabberwock, with eyes of flame,
Came whiffling through the tulgey wood, And burbled as it came!
One, two! One, two! And through and through The vorpal blade went snicker-snack!
He left it dead, and with its head He left it dead, and with its head
And hast thou slain the Jabberwock? Come to my arms, my beamish boy!
O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!” He chortled in his joy.
Twas brillig, and the slithy toves Did gyre and gimble in the wabe:
All mimsy were the borogoves, And the mome raths outgrabe.
Plenty of hard words there for you, huh, huh?
Well, Briling means 4 o'clock in the afternoon,
the time when you start broiling things for dinner.
That would do very well. And, and "slithy"?
Well, "slithy" means "lithe and slimy".
You see, it's like a portmanteau,
there're two meanings packed up into one word.
I can see that now.
Hhh, what's "gyre" and "gimble"?
To gyre...
is to go round and round like a gyroscope.
To gimble is to make a hole like a gimlet.
And a wabe is a grass-plot around a sundial, I suppose.
Well, of course, it is.
It's called the wabe
because it goes a long way before it and the long way behind it.
And the long way beyond it on each side?
Exactly.
And "mimsy" means "flimsy" and "miserable".
There's another portmanteau for you.
And a "borogove", ooh,
a thin, shabby-looking bird with feathers sticking out all around.
Something like a live mop.
And what's "outgrabe"?
Well, "outgribing"
is something between bellowing and whistling,
with a sort of sneeze in the middle.
However, you’ll hear it done, maybe, down in the wood yonder.
And once you’ve heard it,
you’ll be quite content.
That's all. Goodnight.
Goodbye. Till we meet again.
Well, I should know you again if we did meet.
You're so like other people.
Two eyes, so, nose in the middle, mouth under.
It's always the same.
Now, if you have the two eyes on the same side of your nose,
and the mouth on top, that would be some help.
But, it wouldn't look nice.
Wait! Till you've tried.
Goodbye.
All the unsatisfactory...
All the unsatisfactory people I've ever met.
Wait. Till you've tried.
I've sent them all.
Did you happen to meet any soldier, my dear, as you came through the woods?
Yes, I did. Several thousand, I should think?
Four thousand, two hundred and seven.
That's the axact number.
I couldn't send all the horses, you know,
because two of them are wanted in the game.
I haven't sent the two messengers either.
They're both gone to town.
Just... look around along the road and tell me if you can see either of them.
I see nobody on the road.
I only wish I had such eyes to be able to see "nobody".
And at that distance too.
Why, it's as much as I can do to see real people, by this light.
No, I can see somebody now.
But, he's coming very slowly.
What curious attitudes he goes into!
Not at all.
He's an Anglo-Saxon messenger and those are Anglo-Saxon attitudes.
He only does them when he's happy.
Hie name is Haigha.
With an "H".
I love my love with an "H", because he is happy.
I hate him with an H, because he is hideous.
I feed him with ham sanwiches and hay.
His name is Haigha...
- and he lives in... - He lives on the hill.
The other messenger is called Hatta.
I must have two, you know, to come and go.
One to come, one to go.
I beg your pardon?
It isn't respectable to beg.
No, I mean I don't understand. Why one to come and one to go?
But, don't I tell you?
I must have two, to fetch and carry.
One to fetch, one to carry.
This young lady loves you with an H.
You alarm me. I feel faint.
Give me a ham sandwich.
- Another sandwich. - There's nothing but hay left now.
Hay then.
Nothing like eating hay when you faint.
I should think throwing cold water over you would be better.
I didn't say there was nothing better. I said there was nothing like it.
- Who did you pass on the road? - Nobody.
Quite right. This young lady saw him too.
So, of course, nobody walks slower than you.
I do my best.
I'm sure nobody walks much fater than I do.
He can't do that. Or else he'd have been here first.
However, now you got your breath,
you may tell us what's happening in the town.
I'll whisper it.
They're at it again!!!
You call that a whisper?
If you do such thing again, I'll have you buttered.
It went through and through my head like an earthquake!
It would have to be a very tiny earthquake.
Huh?
Who are at it again?
Why, the Lion and the Unicorn, of course.
- Fighting for the crown? - Yes.
To be sure, and the best of the joke is, it's my crown, all the while.
Let's run and see them.
You're... my prisoner.
- Ahoy! Ahoy! - Check!
She's my prisoner. You know?
Yes. But, I came and rescued her.
Well, we must fight for her then.
You'll observe the Rule of Battle, of course?
I always do.
What I wonder now, what the Rules of Battle are?
One rule seems to be that...
if one knight hits the other, he knocks him off his horse.
And if he misses it, he tumbles off himself.
And another rule seems to be that they...
hold their clubs with their arms as if they are...
Punch and Judy.
And another rule seems to be that they always fall on their heads.
Battle's over.
Oh.
That was a glorious...
victory, wasn't it?
Well, I don't know.
I don't want to be anybody's prisoner.
- I want to be a Queen. - So you will be.
When you've crossed the next brook.
I'll see you save to the end of the wood.
And...
then I must go back, you know?
That's the end of my move.
Thank you very much.
Would you like me to help you off with your helmet?
Yes, please.
I see you're admiring my little box.
It's my own invention.
To keep clothes and sandwiches in.
I carry it upside down, you see?
So, the rain can't get it.
But, the things can get out.
Do you know the lid's open?
No, I didn't know it.
That means all the things had fallen out.
The box is no use without them.
Can you...?
Can you guess why I did that?
I hope some bees may make a nest in it.
Then I should get the honey.
But, you've got a beehive.
Or something very like one, fastened to the saddle.
Yes, I have.
It's a very good beehive. One of the very best kind.
But not a single bee has come near it yet.
Um...
And the other thing is a mouse-trap.
I suppose the mice keep the bees out, or the bees keep the mice out.
Or the other, I don't know which.
Ah, I was wondering what the mouse-trap's for.
It isn't very likely there would be any mice on the horse's back.
Not very likely, perhaps.
But, if they do come,
I don't choose to have them running all about.
It's as well to be provided for everyhting, you see.
I mean that's the reason...
the horse has these anklets round his feet.
What are they for?
To guard against the bites of sharks.
It's an invention of my own. And now, help me on, please.
I'll walk with you to the end of the food.
What's that dish for?
Um...
it's meant for plum cake.
Ah, we'd better take it with us.
It might come in handly if we find any plum cake.
Help me to get it into this thing.
Yes, hold it tight, please.
There're a lot of candlesticks in here.
Have you got your hair well fastened on?
Only in the usual way.
That's hardly enough. The wind is so very strong here.
It's as strong as soup.
Have you invented a plan for keeping the hair from being blown off?
Not yet.
But, I've got a plan for keeping it from falling off.
Well, I should like to hear it, very much.
Well first, you take an upright stick.
Then you make your hair creep up it, like a fruit tree.
Now, the reason hair falls off is because it hangs down.
Things never fall off upwards.
You see, it's a plan of my own invention.
You may try it if you like.
I'm afraid you haven't had much practice in riding.
What makes you think that?
Because people don't fall off quite so often when they've had much practice.
I've had plenty of practice.
Plenty of practice.
Indeed.
The great art of riding's he...
The great art of...
I hope no bones are broken?
None to speak of.
Mmm...
It's too ridiculous.
You ought to have a wooden horse on wheels, that you ought.
- Does that kind go smoothly? - Much more smootly than a live horse.
Well then, I'll get one.
Well, one or two. Several.
I'm a great hand at inventing things, you know?
I daresay you noticed, the last time you picked me up,
I was looking rather thoughtful.
You were a little grave.
Just then, I was thinking a new way of getting over the gate.
- Would you like to hear it? - Very much, indeed.
But uh, I'll tell you how I came to think of it.
You see, I said to myself.
The only difficulty is with the feet. The head is high enough already.
Now...
First, I put my... head on the gate.
Then the head's high.
Then I stand on my head, my feet are high now.
You see?
And I'm over. You see?
I suppose you'd be over by the time you'd done that, but...
don't you think it would be rather hard?
Well, I haven't tried it yet, so I can't tell for certain.
But,...
I'm afraid it would be a little hard.
How can you go on talking so quietly, head downwards?
What does it matter where my body...
- Argh... Oh... - happens to be?
My mind goes on working all the same.
In fact, the more head-downwards I happen to be,
the more I keep inventing new thngs.
The cleverest thing I ever did...
The cleverest thing I ever did... of the sort...
was inventing a new pudding during the meat cource.
In time to have it cooked for the next course?
Well, that was quick work, certainly.
No, not the next course.
Certainly, not the next course.
Then it would have to be the next day?
I suppose, you wouldn't have two pudding-courses in one dinner?
No, not the next day.
In fact,...
I don't believe that pudding ever was cooked.
In fact, I don't believe that pudding ever will be cooked.
And yet, it was a very clever pudding to invent.
What did you mean it to be made of?
It began with blotting-paper.
That wouldn't be very nice, I'm afraid.
Not very nice alone.
You've no idea the difference it makes,
mixing it with other things like gunpowder and sealing-wax.
And here, I must leave you.
You're sad.
Let me tell you a tale...
to comfort you.
Is it very long?
Yes, it's long.
But, it's very, very beautiful.
Everybody that hears me say it,
it either brings the tears into their eyes, or else...
Or else what?
Or else, it doesn't, you know?
The name of the tale is called "Haddocks' Eyes".
That's the name of the tale, is it?
No, it's something quite different.
That's what the name of the tale is called.
The name really is: The Aged, Aged Man.
Oh! So, I ought to have said: That's what the tale is called?
No, you oughtn't.
That's quite another thing.
The tale is called...
Ways and Means. But, that's only what the tale is called.
- You see? - Hmm...
What is the tale then?
I'm coming to that.
The tale really is...
A-sitting On a Gate.
I'll tell thee everything I can: There's little to relate.
I saw an aged, aged man, A-sitting on a gate.
"Who are you, aged man?" I said,
"And how is it you live?"
And his answer trickled through my head, Like water through a sieve.
He said "I look for butterflies That sleep among the wheat,
I turn them into mutton-pies, Ans sell them in the streets.
I sell them unto men," he said, "Who sail on stormy seas;
And that's the way I get my bread A trifle, if you please."
But I was thinking of a plan To dye one's whiskers green,
And always use so large a fan That they could not be seen.
So, having no reply to give To what the old man said,
I cried "Come, tell me how you live!" And thumped him on the head.
His accents mild took up the tale: He said "I go my ways,
And when I find a mountain-rill, I set it in a blaze;
And thence they make a stuff they call Rowlands' Macassar-Oil
Yet twopence-halfpenny is all They give me for my toil."
But I was thinking of a way To feed oneself on batter,
And so go on from day to day Getting a little fatter.
I shook him well from side to side, Until his face was blue:
"Come, tell me how you live," I cried, "And what it is you do!"
He said "I hunt for haddocks' eyes Among the heather bright,
And work them into waistcoat-buttons In the silent night.
And these I do not sell for gold Or coin of silvery shine,
But for a copper halfpenny, And that will purchase nine.
"I sometimes dig for buttered rolls, Or set limed twigs for crabs:
I sometimes search the grassy knolls For wheels of Hansom-cabs.
And that's the way" he gave a wink "By which I get my wealth
And very gladly will I drink Your Honour's noble health."
I heard him then, for I had just Completed my design
To keep the Menai bridge from rust By boiling it in wine.
I thanked him much for telling me The way he got his wealth,
But chiefly for his wish that he Might drink my noble health.
And now, if e'er by chance I put My fingers into glue,
Or madly squeeze a right-hand foot Into a left-hand shoe,
Or if I drop upon my toe A very heavy weight,
I weep, for it reminds me so Of that old man I used to know
Whose look was mild, whose speech was slow Whose hair was whiter than the snow,
Whose face was very like a crow, With eyes, like cinders, all aglow,
Who seemed distracted with his woe, Who rocked his body to and fro,
And muttered mumblingly and low, As if his mouth were full of dough,
Who snorted like a buffalo
That summer evening long ago,
A-sitting on a gate.
You've only a few yards to go now.
Down the hill and over that brook, and you'll be a Queen.
But, I need you...
to stay and see me off first.
I, I shan't be long.
You'll wait and wave your handkershief when I get to that turn in the road.
I think it'll encourage me, you see?
Of course, I will.
And thank you so much for coming this far.
And for the tale.
I liked it very much.
I hope so.
But, you didn't cry so much as I thought you would.
It won't take long to see him off, I expect.
There he goes.
Right on his head as usual.
However, he gets on again pretty easily.
That comes of haing so many things hung around the horse.
I hope it encouraged him.
And now for the final brook and to be a Queen.
How grand it sounds!
My old bones.
Oh.
It's rheumatism, I should think.
I hope you're not in much pain?
Oh,... dear, indeed.
Can I do anything for you?
Yeah.
Aren't you rather cold here?
How you go along!
Worrity, worrity. There never was such a child!
Won't you let me walk you round to the other side?
- Ohh... - You’ll be out of the cold wind there.
Worrity, worrity, worrity!
Can’t you leave a body alone?
Would you like me to read you a bit of this?
You may read it if you’ve a mind to, Nobody’s hindering you that I know of.
Latest News.
The Exploring Party have made another tour in the Pantry,
and have found five new lumps of white sugar.
Large and in fine condition.
- In coming back,... - Any brown sugar?
N... no. It says nothing about brown.
No brown sugar.
A nice exploring party.
In coming back, they had a sad accident.
Two of their party were engulfed.
Where what?
Engulfed.
There's no such word in the language.
But, it's in this paper.
Let it stop there.
You're not well at all.
Can I do anything for you?
It’s all along of the wig.
Along of the wig?
You would be cross too if you had a wig like mine.
They jokes at one. And they worrits one.
And then I gets cross. And I gets cold.
And I gets under a tree.
And I gets a yellow handkerchief.
And I ties up my face.
As at the present.
Tying up the face is very good for the toothache.
And it’s very good for the conceit.
Is that a kind of toothache?
Well, no.
It’s when you hold your head up, so, without bending your neck.
Oh, you mean stiff-neck.
Oh, that’s a new fangled name.
It was called "conceit" in my day.
Conceit isn’t a disease at all.
It is, though.
Wait till you have it, and then you’ll know.
And when you catches it,...
just try...
tying a yellow handkerchief...
round your face.
It will cure you in no time!
Your wig would be much neater if you have a comb.
What? You’re a Bee, are you?
And you’ve got a comb.
Mmm-hhh.
Much honey?
Not that sort of comb. It’s to comb hair with.
Your wig is so very rough, you know?
I’ll tell you...
how I came to put it on.
“When I was young, my ringlets waved And curled and crinkled on my head:
And then they said ‘You should be shaved, And wear a yellow wig instead.’
But when I followed their advice, And they had witnessed the effect,
They said I did not look so nice As they had ventured to expect.
They said the wig did not fit, and so It made me look extremely plain:
But what was I to do, you know? My ringlets would not grow again.
And now that I am old and grey, And all my hair is nearly gone,
They take my wig from me and say ‘How can you put such rubbish on?’
And still, whenever I appear, They hoot at me and call me ‘Pig!’
And that is why they do it, dear, Because I wear a yellow wig.”
I am very sorry for you.
And I think...
if your wig fitted a little better, then they wouldn’t tease you quite so much.
Your wig fits very well.
It’s the shape of your head that does it.
Your jaws are not well shaped, though.
I should think you couldn’t bite well.
- I can bite anything I want. - Not with a mouth as small as that.
If you was a fighting now,
Could you get hold of the other one by the back of the neck?
I’m afraid not.
Well, that’s because your jaws are too short.
But, the top of your head is nice and smooth.
Then, your eyes...
they’re too much in front.
One would have done as well as two, if you must have them so close.
I think I must be going on now. Goodbye.
And thank-ye.
And now for the last brook, and to be a Queen.
How grand it sounds!
The eighth square at last.
Well, it is grand.
I never expected to be a Queen so soon.
And I'll tell you what to do, Your Majesty.
It'll never do for you to be lolling about like that.
Queens have to be dignified, you know?
I really am a Queen.
- Please, would you tell me...? - Speak when you're spoken to.
But, if everybody obeyed that rule,
and if you only spoke when you were spoken to,
and you always waited for the other person to begin,
- then nobody would ever say anything. - Ridiculous.
What do you mean if you were really a Queen?
You can't be a Queen untill you've passed the proper examination.
And the sooner we begin it, the better.
I only said "if".
She says she only said "if".
But, she said more than that. Oh, ever so much more than that.
So, you did, you know?
Think before you speak.
Always speak the truth and write it down afterwards..
- I'm sure, I didn't mean... - That's just what I complain of.
You should have mant.
What do you suppose is the use of the child without any meaning?
Even a joke should have some meaning.
And a child is more important than a joke, I hope.
You couldn't deny that, even if you try with both hands.
I don't deny things with my hands.
No-one said you did. I said you couldn't if you tried.
She has it in her mind to deny something, but, she doesn't know what to deny.
A nasty, vicious temper.
I invite you to Alice's dinner party, this afternoon.
And I invite you.
I didn't know I was to have a party at all. But,...
if there is to be one, I think I ought to invite the guests.
We gave you the opportunity to do so.
But, I daresay you haven't had many lessons in manners yet.
No!
Manners are not taught in lessens.
Lessons teach you to do sums, and things of that sort.
Can you do addition?
What's 1 and 1 and 1 and 1 and 1 and 1 and 1?
Well, I don't know. I lost count.
She can't do addition.
Can you do subtraction? Take 9 from 8.
9 from 8? That can't, you know?
She can't do subtraction. Can you do division?
If you divide a loaf with a knife, what's the answer?
- I suppose... - Bread and butter, of course.
Try another subtraction sum. Take a bone from a dog, what remains?
Well, the bone wouldn't remain if I'm taking it.
And the dog wouldn't remain. It would come after me.
And I'm sure I shouldn't remain.
So, you think nothing would remain?
- Yes, I think that's the answer. - Wrong as usual.
The dog's temper would remain.
I don't see how.
Look, the dog would lose its temper, wouldn't it?
Perhaps, it would.
So, if the dog went away, the temper would remain.
They might go different way.
She can't do sums a bit.
Can you answer useful questions?
How is bread made?
- Well, you, you take some flour. - Where do you pick the flour?
You don't pick it at all. It's ground.
How many acres of ground?
You mustn't miss out so many things.
Fan her head.
She'll be feverish after all that thinking.
Do you know languages? What's the French for "fiddle-de-dee"?
- "Fiddle-de-dee" isn't English. - Who ever said it was?
If you can me what language "fiddle-de-dee" is,
I'll tell you the French for it.
Queens never make bargain.
I wish Queens never asked questions.
I'm so sleepy.
She's tired.
Smooth her hair and sing her a soothing lullaby.
I don't know any soothing lullabies.
Hush-a-by lady, in Alice's lap!
Till the feast's ready, we've time for a nap.
When the feast's over, we'll go to the ball.
Red Queen, and White Queen, and Alice, and all!
Now that you heard the words, sing it through to me.
I'm a bit tired now.
Hush...
[ QUEEN ALICE ]
[ VISITORS BELL ] [ SERVANTS BELL ]
I am not a visitor,...
and I'm not a servant.
There ought to be one marked "Queen".
No admittance till the week after next.
What is it now?
Where is the servant whose business it is to answer the door?
- Which door? - This one, of course.
- What's it been asking of? - I don't know what you mean.
I speak English, don't I? Or are you deaf?
- What did it ask you? - Nothing.
- I knocked at it. - Shouldn't do that.
Shouldn't do that. It wexes it, you know?
You let it alone, and it'll let you alone.
You've missed the soup and the fish.
Bring on the joint.
You look a little shy.
Let me introduce you to this leg of lamb.
Alice, Mutton. Mutton, Alice.
- May I cut you a slice? - Certainly not.
It isn't etiquette to cut anuone you've been introduced to.
Remove the joint.
I won't be introduced to the pudding, please, or we shall get no dinner at all.
Pudding, Alice. Alice, pudding. Remove the pudding.
Waiter, bring back the pudding.
What impertinence!
How would you like it if I were to cut a slice out of you?
Make a remark.
It's ridiculous to leave all the conversation to the pudding.
You know, I've had such a quantity of poetry repeated to me today. And...
it's a curious thing,
all of it seems to be...
about fishes in some way.
- Queen Alice's health. - Queen Alice's health.
You can return thanks by making a neat speech.
We must support her.
- I rise to... - Take care of yourself.
Something is going to happen.
Or a bee?
Ooh!
I can not stand this any longer.
Mom...
I'm sorry, darling.
So, we'll read some more tomorrow night.
Okay.
Huh, Mr. Walrus.
How are you?
- Goodnight. - Goodnight.
That's not a memorandum of your feelings.
It's the end of my move.
All feasting and fun.
Goodnight, Humpty.
A BOAT beneath a sunny sky,
Lingering onward dreamily
In an evening of July.
Children three that nestle near,
Eager eye and willing ear,
Pleased a simple tale to hear.
Long has paled that sunny sky:
Echoes fade and memories die:
Autumn frosts have slain July.
Still she haunts me, phantomwise,
Alice moving under skies
Never seen by waking eyes.
Children yet, the tale to hear,
Eager eye and willing ear,
Lovingly shall nestle near.
In a Wonderland they lie,
Dreaming as the days go by,
Dreaming as the summers die:
Ever drifting down the stream.
Lingering in the golden gleam.
Life, what is it but a dream?
Encoded by ? jDev. ?